Hard Choices
by morganaDW
Summary: Dean's choice to sever ties with Benny takes a bad twist. Sam's kidnapped & hurt leaving them to handle the aftermath. Mad worse when something Dean's been hiding from his brother for years is revealed & he must choose to help Sam heal without facing it even when it comes to light that Sam has his own secret. *Hurt/limp/angsty!Sam &Worried/angry/upset!Dean with evil Benny. See Note
1. Chapter 1

**Hard Choices**

**Summary: **_Dean's choice to sever ties with Benny takes a bad twist. Sam's kidnapped & hurt leaving them to handle the aftermath. More complicated when something Dean's been hiding from his brother for years is revealed & he must choose to help Sam heal without facing it even when it comes to light that Sam has his own secret. *Hurt/limp/angsty!Sam & Worried/concerned/angry/upset!Dean with evil!Benny* Set between 08x17 Goodbye Stranger & 08x18 Freaks & Geeks. (See note & warning for more) _

**Characters/Pairings: **_Dean/Sam (eventually)_

**Warnings:**_Read this: I'm warning for language and violence of course but I'm also warning for first a non-graphic non-con & then a slightly more graphic non-con scene(it's short but there). This will also eventually move into Wincest first time so it will have some explicit stuff for that in the second chapter so this one will carry an M rating._

**Disclaimer: **_I don't own anything but the twisted imagination that came up with the plot. _

**A/N: **_This is a first in many ways since I began writing this style of story for the Winchesters. This is my first chapter fic like this (only two chapters). It's also the first time I'm pushing the envelope so to speak with the dark subject in the first chapter and also my first attempt at conveying a first time between them so be kind and I hope those that read it do like it._

**Chapter One**

"Okay. It is official. From now on, unless you're coughing up a lung you are going to get that fancy coffee when we're on the road because I am not standing in another damn line for nearly an hour and forty five minutes for some frothy…Sam?"

Juggling bags of takeout breakfast, his coffee and the aforementioned dreaded frothy coffee concoction he only went out to buy for his brother when either trying to make up for something or Sam was sick, Dean Winchester stopped in mid-step between dropping the stuff on the little table in the motel room and kicking the door closed when he instantly realized something was off.

Raised a hunter, Dean's senses could tell when something seemed just a little off in a room because knowing his surroundings had saved not only his life but also the life of his younger brother more times than he cared to think about and right then the motel room felt…different.

The first thing he noticed was that Sam, his overgrown Sasquatch of a baby brother, was not in the bed where he'd left him two hours earlier to go get breakfast and coffee.

Sam was not doing well since he started the trials to close the gates of Hell and since he finally started admitting that to his brother, Dean's hyper look after Sammy senses were on overdrive.

A quick look at the door showed that it appeared fine except it had been unlocked and the hunter clearly recalled locking it as he went out the door so that was one strike.

"Sam?" he called again, dropping his jacket on his bed while also pulled his weapon and gazing as Sam's bed to frown more.

A restless sleeper when not feeling well or hurt, Dean expected to see the blankets messed up and the sheets wrinkled but now as he looked closer he realized the main blanket appeared to be missing all together and…

"What the hell…" using the barrel of his Colt to move the nearly pulled off sheet aside and felt his stomach clench at the sight of blood on the mattress. "Sammy!"

Dean jerked open the bathroom door expecting if his brother had gotten worse that he might be in there but it was empty. A million thoughts were beginning to float in his head as he went back to the beds.

His bed, the one closest to the door, didn't appear touched but Dean's hyper senses picked out that it had appeared to have been fixed as if something or someone had been on it.

Sitting down on it, his sharp green eyes dropped to the floor a second before he hit his knees to reach under Sam's bed to pull out the jeans and t-shirt his brother had been wearing when he left.

The building concern was not ratcheting up because finding Sam's clothes was one thing but as he ran the t-shirt through his fingers to discover that it looked as if it had been literally ripped from his brother. Then with a sinking feeling he looked at the jeans to see that they too were torn and he felt the stickiness.

Dean moved his gaze back to the bed before realizing if this was Sam's blood then it hadn't come from coughing or a casual nosebleed. This was something else.

Taking a better look at the bed as something in the back of his head was ringing like an alarm going off. He felt the headboard and gritted his teeth when it moved easily and a quick shove to the mattress showed that the damn thing was broke as if someone with a lot of strength of pulled it or…he wasn't liking how it was shaping up since clearly someone had taken Sam from the room and…since Sam's duffel was untouched and he was holding his clothes…

"Shit, what the hell?" he growled to the empty room, not understanding this since Sam would not have let anyone in this room that they didn't know but now that he was looking Dean could see the obvious signs that a struggle too place.

Torn between concern for his brother and anger that someone had picked right now to pull this crap, Dean was reaching for his jacket just as his phone rang.

Hearing that it was Sam's ringtone he grabbed it from his pocket. "Sammy? Where the hell are you and what in the hell's gonna on and…" he demanded all in one rush of breath; a breath that began to get to more as the low whiskey coated in honey chuckle was heard.

"You better slow down and take a breath, brother. It wouldn't do anyone any good if you give yourself a stroke yet."

"Benny?" the cold feeling in his gut was now turning to pure ice as Dean was stalking the room like a caged tiger, anger building. "What the hell's going on?" he demanded shortly, looking around the room when something by the door caught his eye. "Where's Sam and…"

"Oh, he's with me," Benny's voice seemed a little off, not the fully smooth and laid back Cajun tone that it normally had. It sounded distracted, rougher. "I dropped by to pay you a visit and since you weren't there…I thought I'd…play with your little brother," he chuckled again before adding. "Though you weren't really honest with me when you called him 'little' cause this boy's not so little."

That pulled Dean up short because the tone was coming back to him and his eyes shot back to the blood on the bed, the clothes and he felt all the blood draining out of his body as he collapsed on the bed. "Benny…don't do this to him," he whispered, it all clicking home as he heard something else that had him shooting to his feet. "Sam! Damn it, Benny! This about me telling you I couldn't help you anymore or…"

"Hmmm, it started out that way but this…mmmh…this is more cause I wanted to see what you were missing, brother," the vampire was clearly distracted as he held the phone with one hand but kept his other pressed down hard to control the body trying to writhe under him. "He know how much you've been wanting him, Dean?"

"Shut your goddamn mouth and get the hell away from my brother!" Dean snapped, stomach flipping as it hit him what was happening and knowing he needed to stop it. "Let Sam go, Benny. You don't need to…damn it, this is between us. It doesn't…" he closed his eyes at the sounds of pain, muffled screaming that the hunter had no doubts the reason for and finally flesh on flesh. "Benny!"

"You talked a lot down there, brother. Especially at night when you talked about your boy here and I couldn't figure out why you wouldn't have had him by now," Benny didn't bother to try to stop the low groan as his body reacted to the tight heat that he was shoving into with no care of the pain or damage being done to his unwilling victim. "From the first ten seconds of getting him under me back at your motel, tying him to the bed and just diving right on in to hear him scream and smelling him bleed…damn, I still don't get it."

Dean was seeing white as he tried to shove down his rage and nausea as it became painfully clear that the vampire had called not to reveal where he'd taken Sam but to allow Dean to listen while he raped his brother.

He could tell by the muffled grunts, cries of pain and just plain muffled words that Sam was hurt and despite being strong and usually unwilling to beg for anything Dean could also tell his brother would beg to stop this.

Dean knew what Benny was capable of really and recalled begging himself more than once the few times he'd let his attention and guard down and the damn vampire had done this to him.

Benny was laid back and kind but there were moments when he fed or he got like this that the more vicious side of his nature surfaced and things could get bad but even at his worst he'd never thought his friend could do this and especially not to Sam.

"Damn it, Benny! Stop!" he couldn't take the sounds that in his mind he knew what was happening and the urge to kill was breaking the surface. "I told you once that we didn't have an issue unless you crossed the line to killing or if you touched my brother. _Now_ we have an issue," Dean growled, wondering if the damn bastard was even listening as he kept up a steady stream of filthy talk that the hunter couldn't tell if it was aimed at him or his brother. "Where are you?"

"Old factory outside of town," Benny replied swiftly, voice tight as he leaned down to bite not so gently on the curve of Sam's neck while holding the phone down so the hunter could see and probably know who he was talking to. "Wanted someplace quiet since I figured this would get loud. He likes to scream, Dean," he laughed at the tears in the glassy hazel eyes but grabbed a handful of long hair to keep Sam still as he leaned in close. "Not sure if he screamed more when I took him dry or when I made him come by describing the first time I took you."

"You touch him anymore until I get there and I will rip your goddamn heart out of your chest," Dean's voice had dropped to the tone that no one outside of Purgatory, not even Sam during their worst moments, had ever heard from him. "Of course I plan to rip you inside out anyway for touching him to begin with."

Benny laughed, amused at the threat since only Sam was aware of the tiny thing his big brother did not yet and the boy couldn't speak as he tried through the hard rubber gag hooked in his mouth as a tongue licked away the salty tears on his face. "You might wanna rethink that plan unless you care to watch me split your boy in two on my cock," he twisted his hand in Sam's hair while giving his hips another shove just to hear the boy moan in pain. "That get you hard, Dean? That what it'll take to have you takin' what you've been wantin'?"

"He's my brother," Dean gritted, fists clenching and wanting to slam one into the face of the vampire that he owed his return from Purgatory to at that damn mocking laugh.

"And you told me yourself that you've been hot for him since he turned seventeen," Benny smirked, feeling Sam jerk under him but he wasn't done playing yet with either Winchester. "Want me to tell you what I dragged outta him about his hero?"

Closing his eyes against the burning that was threatening, Dean had to fight to control his breathing. He'd fought since returning to shield Sam from the vampire because Benny had been making little comments, thinly veiled threats, which had also been one of the reasons Dean had finally chosen to cut the ties with Benny.

The stress between him and Sam were one problem but it was one that Dean accepted responsibility for and would deal with but this just increased his problems because except for one awkward moment when Dean was drunk one summer night the year Sam was seventeen neither of them had ever broached the topic of what could have moved on to something more if he hadn't sobered up and realized he'd been about to suck his little brother off.

Since that night Dean had struggled with the urges and desires but had never mentioned it again and after Sam went off to college and then with everything else that had happened in the past eight years he'd tried not to consider it but it wasn't easy since there was no way to miss the way his once skinny and scrawny little brother had filled out.

"Let me talk to him," he gritted, focusing on grabbing what he could to throw it in the Impala because he knew once he had Sam back and he was getting Sam back, that he was heading back to their new home and not leaving until he managed to get his brother over this one. "Benny…put Sam on the phone."

Glancing down, the vampire met shock blown eyes over the gag while shaking his head as if the older Winchester could see him. "He can't talk right now, brother. I'm afraid his mouth if kinda…full right now," he smiled at the snarl that got while letting his friend assume what he would from it but he knew the game he had to play. "Though for what you want I think he can still do that."

Benny didn't move except to lean more over Sam's bleeding shoulder to hold the phone in front of his bruised face. "I know you're busy with that hot mouth but how about making a sound so big brother knows you're alive and I'm not just fuckin' a corpse?" he twisted a handful of hair when Sam tried to turn his face away. "A scream or moan'll work too."

Sam didn't want to do anything the damn vampire said but the hard yank of his hair incited an unwanted cry of pain that was still nothing compared to the pain he was in from Benny's constant assaults.

Even in shock and in pain he could still hear the voice of his brother on the phone and that brought on a mixture of emotions. On the one hand he wanted Dean to come but on the other he knew what his brother would be walking into and didn't want to be the one used to lure Dean in and then there was a totally different emotion that was buried deep behind walls of nausea and shame now.

"Sammy, if you can hear me…I'm coming," Dean sounded strained but Sam couldn't tell if it was because he was angry, scared or something else but he struggled to at least offer a warning.

The shout was muffled and cut off as a fist ripped his head back and teeth cut into the soft flesh between his neck and shoulder causing a scream this time as the phone was pulled back but not before he heard his brother shout for him.

"You make sure to find your way here, Dean," Benny licked his lips as he raised his head while smiling down. "I'll just be entertaining myself with your boy," he disconnected the phone before crushing it in his hand to prevent the GPS from being tracked and left the cursing hunter furious and scared at the same time.

As soon as the phone cut off, the sound of his little brother's choked voice still in his ears, Dean was tossing the rest of their stuff into the car and burning rubber in his haste to get moving.

Knowing what Benny was capable of was one issue to him. It was the not knowing what the thing wearing Benny's skin was capable of that worried him more.

The risk of walking into a trap with the odds stacked against him didn't occur to the hunter since his rage was now in full control and if may take everything he had but if Benny thought he'd fought dirty while trying to survive Purgatory than the bastard hadn't seen anything yet.

"Hang on, Sammy," he whispered to himself.

Once the phone was crushed to prevent tracking, Benny smiled down at his still weakly struggling captive. "We wouldn't wanna make it too easy on him now do we?" he chuckled, seeing a thin line of blood running from under the gag and guessing the boy had bit his tongue sometime. "You try to warn him, Sam?" he asked, wiping the blood with the tip of a finger before sucking it off while smirking. "I'll have to punish you for that since it's supposed to be a surprise what Dean finds when he gets here

"Y'see, Dean made a mistake when he said his helping me days were over cause I wasn't so ready to hear that. You're brother comes in handy for a lotta things," the vampire slid out while enjoying the pain even that action caused the human. "He's good for keeping me supplied with blood bags or for feedin' or…if I wanted to, he's good at fuckin'…but you don't know that side of him yet, do you?"

Benny laughed at the way Sam seemed to blush as he moved around the hastily set up but sturdy bed frame attached to the floor of the warehouse. "You will I'm sure cause I'll either make him take you like he's been wantin' to since you were a kid or…I'll force him to watch as my 'friend' shoves his cock in your ass and he can listen to you scream for him as you come on his cock since by then my 'shifter buddy will be wearin' his skin again.

"You liked that earlier didn't you, Sammy?" he dropped his voice until it was low and throaty as he physically moved the younger Winchester up onto his knees to adjust the heavy ropes on his legs that tied him to either post at the bottom to spread his legs before taking the leather strap that was attached to the frame and placed it over Sam's lower legs to pin them to the bed.

"You liked it back at the motel before you realized it wasn't your brother? You liked having him touch you, kiss you…hell, I bet even after you realized it you still enjoyed having your 'big brother' rip your shirt and jeans off while tying you to the bed and making you suck him off while I split you open the first few times," the vampire heard the moan as the hunter tried to shift away from the touch only to jerk as the collar on his neck shocked him.

"Dean got any clue how hot you are for him?" Benny laughed as the look of hate that was shot at him as he finished rearranging Sam the way he wanted him while looking at the man sitting in a chair across from the bed. "He can't suck since I ain't takin' the gag outta him but you can play wit' him while I have another go before his brother gets here."

Even in pain and in shock, Sam tensed when he heard Benny speak and he struggled to push his mind to another level as the low chuckle because the damn shapeshifter sounded and looked exactly like his brother and it made him sick what he'd allowed to happen at the motel and what he feared would happen here.

"Little Sammy still wants his big brother to jerk him off?" the 'shifter Dean sat on the bed while Benny knelt back between his pinned legs to go back to shoving his fingers, two or three at a time, back into Sam's red swollen hole while blood and come slid down his already sticky and abused thighs. "I know what you really want though."

Sam tried to fight, no matter how bad he hurt or wanted to curl up in shame, he still fought the invasion of his body but like before he could only scream through the gag as Benny's thick cock shoved into his swollen hole, not giving it any kind of prep except for whatever slick was still left inside but the assaults had been so violent and vicious that even if Sam wanted to relax he couldn't have.

The vampire was one humiliation but it was the damn 'shifter that he tried to fight the most because it hurt Sam to see his brother's green eyes watching him or feeling hands on his body that felt so much like Dean's even though his mind knew it wasn't.

"You keep those eyes open," Benny growled, taking a handful of hair to pull Sam back as far as the ropes binding his wrists and the straps over his thighs would allow wrapped an arm tight around his chest so his fingers could twist already sore nipples. "You watch your 'brother' there," he leaned in close to lick the drying blood from the boy's neck while thrusting his hips forward to force a cry out. "Now, you wanna moan for him," he chided.

"No, he wants his big brother's cock deep up inside him," the 'shifter Dean's lips curled back in a smile that was more cruel than anything else, letting his fingers moved back through Sam's hair like his brother did so often that it made the tears come more freely. "You've probably been wanting that even longer than Dean's been wanting you, haven't you?"

As Benny's hips thrust into Sam's ass more to cause pain than to get any pleasure for himself, the shapeshifter watched before leaning in to place soft kisses along Sam's jaw and lightly tsking in displeasure when he tried to pull away from it and hit the remote he held to make the collar shock their prisoner.

"I know what you want," he murmured, making sure Sam's glassy eyes were watching as he spit into his hand a couple times before reaching down and under to grasp the soft length of Sam's cock solidly in his calloused palm while licking the shell of the boy's ear and hearing the whimper that was his only way to sound his dislike of this. "Benny's taking you dry again…though I'm sure you're still pretty wet from him comin' in your ass earlier but I can make you feel so good, baby."

Sam tried to fight but couldn't as his back was arched to such a way that Benny could lean back and he cried out as the new position forced the swelled cock in his ass even deeper but it also allowed the 'shifter wearing Dean's face to kneel in front of him more.

"How long have you wanted to feel Dean like this, Sam?" Benny's lips were close to his ear again, teeth and not fangs biting. "I know he'd sure wanted you for a while. But he'd bust if he knew it was mutual, huh? You wanna show him when he gets here how easy this here 'Dean' can get you to scream for him or come with his voice in your ear and his hand on you?"

The bed jerked as Sam struggled in the rope on his hands but couldn't break or move them just like he shouldn't move his legs enough to buck the vampire off as he groaned as the cock shoved again but this time Benny made sure to hit his prostate and he had to fight his damn body's response.

He didn't want this. He didn't want the vampire to rape him or this shapeshifter to touch him but his body had been under constant abuse for hours and now he felt himself growing hard like he had in the motel before it dawned on him that his most private dream to maybe allow his brother to return the feelings that Sam had felt for most of his life was not happening.

"See, I told you I could make you feel good," the 'shifter continued to move his hand along the slowly hardening shaft while sticking one finger in his mouth for a moment before sliding it back behind Sam's balls to touch the crack in his bloodied ass before squeezing into the abused hole with Benny's cock. "Yeah, you like that, baby?" he pressed his mouth over the gag while the vampire laughed at the hunter's attempt to jerk away.

"You wanna come, Sam. You've been dreaming for years of your brother jerking you off until you came while he slid a finger up to…there we are," 'shifter Dean laughed as he moved his finger alongside Benny's cock until he found the spot that he knew would have the most effect even as his hand began jerking harder as it slid from base to tip and once Benny bit into Sam's neck again as he came he forced the helpless young man to come just by twisting his wrist on his cock and pressing the tip of a calloused finger against his prostate. "I can't wait to do that to you in front of your big brother," he murmured, licking at the tears that coated Sam's cheeks again as he suddenly fell forward.

Benny stood up to clean up a little before zipping back up while rubbing his hand along the crease that once again ran with a mixture of blood and his own come while going to jerk Sam's head up. "Big brother's gotta be close and I don't want to ruin my surprise so we need to put you someplace nice and dark until I get a handle on him."

Sam twisted his head, barely conscious now as the shock to his body began to sink in but the mention of Dean, his Dean, had him struggling in the ropes again until a fist to the jaw brought on the blackness again but not before his heart sank as he heard the vampire's words to the shapeshifter.

"You know what to do. Change skins and be ready. He'll drop his guard to help his brother and I want him alive to see what else I plan."

The old factory hadn't been abandoned old but it was old enough to give Dean the creeps as he pulled the Impala up close to the door in case he needed to grab Sam and get out fast.

Taking what he needed from the trunk, Dean smirked when the door was unlocked and knew he was walking into the most predictable trap any hunter has ever seen but he wasn't letting his guard down that easily as he stepped into the first room.

The air was musty smelling but he'd been a hunter far too long to not pick up on the little things, running his hand over what he had just under his jacket while keeping what was clenched in his fingers tight while shining a flashlight around.

Further into the rusted out building he went until Dean first began to hear the sounds. Moans of pain, small cries and his name being called caught his attention and his heart.

Dean quickened his pace until he found another unlocked door that led to a small room off of a bigger one that must have been used to house small equipment but right then it housed something far more important as he shined his light and instantly let out a string of curses.

"Sammy!" a quick look to see if he was about to get jumped, Dean didn't like that Benny wasn't anywhere around which heightened his sense of alarm but needed to focus on Sam's body as it hung a foot off the ground.

His brother's naked body showed bruises and blood as Dean moved to carefully tip his drooping head back so he could take a better look. "Sam? Hey, little brother?" he kept his voice low as another moan came and slowly he felt Sam move a little, jerking a little in the ropes holding him to the hook in the ceiling. "Hey, it's okay, it's just me."

"…Dean?" Sam sounded slurred but since he expected his brother to be in shock that didn't alarm him. "You…where's…"

"Don't know and frankly Sammy I don't give a damn," Dean replied, lips thinning but he focused on the ropes holding Sam's wrists. "Hang on while I cut you loose."

Sam was quiet except for the ragged breathing and Dean flicked the pocket knife open to reach above him to saw at the ropes while taking the time to better examined what he could see of his brother. "How bad he hurt you?" he asked tightly, still hearing what he knew was an assault.

"… …Usual," Sam was quiet, turning his face away to avoid his brother's eyes, groaning as his arms pulled in the ropes but missing the way the green eyes that were looking up seemed to flash in a way that most would recognize as trouble. "Can we…can we just get outta here before he…comes back?"

"That's the plan," Dean nodded, feeling the rope let loose and quickly wrapping an arm around Sam's bare chest to support him while seemingly not paying attention that his brother was naked. "Except before we get going there's one thing you have to tell me."

Sam leaned into his brother in case his legs gave out but gasped as a sharp pain sliced down his side, making him yelp and pull away to see the knife in Dean's hand pressed against his skin. "D…Dean?" he frowned, looking up to the hard and ice cold expression on Dean's rugged face only a second before he was slammed back against the wall. "Dean?"

"Where the hell is my brother, asshole?" Dean's tone had dropped into lethal fury, seeing the momentary flash of confusion in hazel eyes but ignored it in favor of what his own senses were telling him. "Oh and before we're through…I will be pulling this skin off of you and…" he paused as his eyes moved just slightly to slam his elbow hard into 'Sam's' throat to take him off guard long enough him to avoid the 'shifter's attempt at a lunge to pull the gun and fire a single silver bullet into the thing's face.

"That's for wearing my brother's face and for whatever the hell you did to him," he growled, giving a swift kick to the now dead shapeshifter's gut before turning on the balls of his feet to avoid the fist that would've probably knocked him out if it had connected. "Hey, Benny."

Dean's rage was there, more so since he realized what the game plan must have been and his hatred for shapeshifters just increased tenfold.

"Hey, brother," Benny frowned as he turned to face a now fully enraged Dean Winchester, a little surprise showing at how this was going. "Thought you'd buy that. What gave it away?"

"Don't call me that ever again," Dean growled, voice and tone hard and lethal as he slid the gun away since he knew it'd be useless in this fight. "You had no right using it to begin with but I allowed it for the same damn reason I allowed everything else…Sam."

Knowing how fast the vampire could be, Dean worked his way back closer to the door. "You thought I'd really believe that thing was my brother?" he couldn't help the snort of laughter that brought. "Do I look that stupid to you, Benny? That's how you got close to Sam wasn't it?" he asked, seeing it in his head.

He knew Sam hadn't been feeling well that morning so it would've been easy for a 'shifter to get close if it had taken Dean's form. That would also have explained why the motel room hadn't been ripped apart in a huge fight.

Sam must have thought it was him up to some point and that was when things went bad for his brother.

"Boy was half asleep and opened the door cause he thought you forgot your key," Benny shrugged, circling the hunter like he'd done when they'd first met in Purgatory only this time there was no doubt that a fight would happen. "It only took him a few minutes to figure it out but…by then my now dead friend there already had him so hot and bothered for your touch that it didn't take much to take him down."

A sour taste filled Dean's mouth as he slowly realized this was a lot worse than he'd believed. Knowing and hearing Benny rape Sam had been one blow but to learn that some goddamn shapeshifter had touched his little brother, had made Sam think it was him and that Sam had…

Dean had to push that back for the moment until he could process it. Right then he wanted blood and he wanted Sam but he knew getting past Benny wouldn't be easy.

"How'd you know it wasn't Sammy?" Benny pressed, stepping in closer only to chuckle as Dean was always a few steps ahead of him.

"First, you call him that one more damn time and I rip your tongue outta your mouth before I kill you," Dean warned, refusing to let that be spoiled by this event. He would not let Benny take that one small thing away from them since Sam still only allowed Dean to use that nickname.

"As for how I knew it wasn't Sam? Please. I know you, Benny. I know how you are when you're raping someone because I still have a few of the scars," he glanced at the body on the floor to back at the vampire. "I heard you on the phone…I heard Sam and that asshole on the floor didn't have anywhere close to the amount of bruising or wounds showing to have had done to him what I figure you've done to my brother and…" he paused to duck the move he knew would be coming.

Being in Purgatory together might've given Benny a good view into Dean's life and habits but it also worked vice versa as well because Dean could almost tell what move the vampire would make. It allowed him to avoid and it also allowed him to react.

Waiting for the time when Benny would lunge to catch him around the waist to twist and try to pin Dean down, like he'd done one time only down in Purgatory, the hunter's hand had slid back under his jacket to the waistband of his jeans.

"This bastard could take on Sam's form, his voice, and even managed to have some time to scrawl a real bad imitation of the anti-possession tattoo but he missed something vital too," Dean grabbed the arm that moved toward him to shift at the last moment to jerk it hard behind Benny so he'd be the one twisted and pinned just long to pull the two hypos out to jab them into the vampires arm.

"When Sam's sick, hurt, scared, in shock or anything that would put him off his game even the slightest he drops his letters and he will almost always drop at least one in my name or totally shorten it," he leaned in close to use his full weight to pin the struggling vampire against a table used for tools while the dead man's blood took effect. "Your fake there didn't do that and that's how I knew it was a goddamn ringer. Now, before you die, where is my brother?"

Benny had to give the hunter credit. He'd underestimated Dean because he thought the man would come in rashly and not thinking and he should've known better. "Hah," he gasped, twisting to look back into the searing green eyes. "Guess you still win. You'll find…him but…I don' think he'll be lookin' at you the same way as he did after what we did," he coughed, feeling the dead blood finishing him slowly and having to get in one last jab. "Y'know, even if you wouldn't have told me it was over…I still would've went after Sam cause he's yours and damn…the boy is so hot for it that…"

That did it for Dean and his hand was on the hilt of the sharp machete he carried everywhere with him since returning from Purgatory before he really even knew it.

"Last mistake," he murmured, stepping back and swinging to take the head off cleaning, avoiding the splatter of blood while staring down at the eyes that seemed to be watching him. "Doing it me down there was one thing but touching my little brother now, using a damn 'shifter…rot in Purgatory again, Benny and if you ever make it back out…I'll send you back. You do _not_ touch is what mine, '_brother_'."

Dean knew he'd have to burn this place or at least the bodies to both destroy the evidence and also to hopefully avoid any unwanted returns but that was for later. Now he had something much more important to do.

"_Sammy_!"

The factory caused his voice to echo through the halls but the further he went into it yelling for his brother the harder it got to breathe because Dean couldn't hear a damn thing in reply and he was in the process of vowing to rekill the bastard if Benny had caused him to lose his brother again.

"Sammy!" he shouted again, shining his light around and was just about to take a step when he stopped dead; not breathing or moving so he could listen to be sure before moving the beam of the light to see a door with a brand new padlock. "Hang on, Sam!"

Dean knew he could pick the lock but didn't want to waste the time. His little brother had always been the better one out of the two of them when it came to picking locks even though it took a lot to make Dean admit that openly.

Stepping back to pull the Colt out again, he shot the lock off and had the door open a second later with a harsh curse on the tip of his tongue against the odor coming out of the room but the second his hand hit a switch to actually turn on a single bulb in the room every word dried up except for one… "Sam."

Shoving the weapon but under his jacket, Dean made it from the door to the bed in three steps but hesitated in his next move because he was caught between fury and sickness at what he saw.

His brother was still tied on his stomach and spread out on the filthy bed. From what Dean could see from this angle Sam was covered in bruises, blood, drying come and naked all but for a black hood covering his head.

Little tremors seemed to be going through the younger man and as the bed dipped when Dean sat on the very edge to touch him but nearly pulled back as the muffled whimper reached his ears.

"Easy, Sammy," he soothed, dropping his voice to the calm quiet one he hardly ever used these days unless it was on his brother. "It's me and I'm gonna get this off."

The hood came off easily and that was when Dean realized why his brother was shuddering as if in fear. Sam didn't know who was with him because he couldn't see or hear as the hood blinded him and someone wanted him deaf so they'd put sound dampening earplugs in.

Dean swallowed hard at what he was seeing but he carefully removed those while placing a hand on the side of Sam's face, feeling the tears and mild fever under his shaking fingers. "Sam?"

Sam jerked at the sudden voice and tried to pull away from the hand touching him until it moved to lift his face up and he tried to blink at the light until his brother's green eyes came into view.

Glassy hazel eyes widened in confusion since he'd been fooled before by the 'shifter and the things last words came back dully and he began to weakly struggle as if to escape further pain.

"No, hey…dude…it's me," Dean saw what was happening and quickly understood his brother wouldn't know if it was him or that 'shifter again and he needed to take a deep breath to calm down and avoid scaring the crap out of Sam more than he was. "Benny and that douchebag shapeshifting bastard are dead, Sammy. Sammy, stop!"

The sudden sharp tone as Dean tried to keep Sam from hurting himself more in the ropes seemed to get through to Sam as he stopped moving to look up at his brother with eyes too huge and filled with fear, pain and uncertainty.

Now struggling to breathe as the gag in his mouth and the collar on his neck forced him to breathe through his nose, Sam stared up to watch as the hand left his face to pull a switchblade back out and he tensed only until he paid attention to the words being spoken.

"I'm going to cut you loose but I want you watch me now," Dean made certain he had his little brother's slight attention since he recognized shock when he saw it but knew what he needed to do to relieve some of Sam's fears. "I'm not a 'shifter, Sammy."

The silver blade sliced down his arm enough to draw blood without any other pain. It would assure Sam of who he was seeing and the hunter knew the moment that realization came to Sam because he watched his battered body go limp.

"Sshh, I've got you now, Sammy," he soothed, reaching to find the buckle of the damn gag at the back of Sam's head to unhook it and hurling it across the room. "Don't try to talk until I get some water in you."

The next thing to go was the collar which also got hurled but with a harsh oath as it shocked Dean while he was removing it and he looked closer at his brother's throat to see the slight burn lines from everytime it shocked him.

Sam was too exhausted to move now that he fully understood he was safe, that his brother had found him but the concern for Dean was still huge in him. "… …De?"

"No talking," Dean reminded him gently, fingers shaking more at the shortened form of his name because he'd told Benny the truth. He'd known Sam would be hurt and he never once hadn't shortened his name or dropped a vowel out of it when he was like this.

"… …gone?"

Sam's voice was hoarse, dry and ragged and it took Dean a second to make it out but finally as he was cutting the heavy ropes holding his brother's wrists he got what he was being asked and nodded shortly.

"Silver bullet to the heart and Benny got his ass filled with dead man's blood before his head sort of got separated from his shoulders," Dean knew both had gotten off far too easily for what his brother had been put through in such a short amount of time but his biggest concern was getting Sam free and safe.

Once the ropes came loose, Dean helped Sam lower his over stretched arms by lightly rubbing them and his shoulders but didn't miss the way the younger man tensed at the touch and had to bite his lip. "Stay still while I get your legs," he urged quietly, seeing a slight nod before he turned to go to work on those after he got the straps off.

In Purgatory Benny had relied on his strength and the element of surprise to restrain Dean but up here with the advantage of ropes and toys he'd taken the act of raping Sam to a level that the hunter really hadn't been expecting and he'd been expecting a lot.

The last rope came free, the knife vanished back to where he kept it and he moved to help Sam sit up only to blink when he suddenly had his arms full of his badly shaking and barely coherent brother when Sam latched onto him like he would as a child and frightened.

"Hey, it's okay. I'm here, I've got you and we'll getting you outa here," he soothed, never liking it when Sam cried to the point that he was gasping but considering what he assumed the kid had gone through he couldn't blame him for wanting to reassure himself that he was safe and let him hold on.

This time it was a little weird for Dean to hold his shaking and sobbing brother while he was naked but he shoved that away for much later since he also knew after this any chance of them discussing that thing that neither of them had would be off the table.

Wrapping his arms that Dean was surprised weren't shaking as much as Sam seemed to be around his brother to hold him closer until he calmed down some, he caught some of the wounds that he hadn't before.

The gag had cut Sam's mouth and the straps had also left welts on his face from being hooked too tight. There were several bite marks that were still seeping blood but it was the blood on the mattress and on his brother's legs that concerned him the most and Dean took a deep breath as he knew what Sam needed now. He just hated it.

"Sammy," he had to ease back enough to catch his brother's drooping eyes, lifting his chin in his hand so he could hold his flicking gaze. "I'm getting you out but…you know I'm taking you to the closest ER, right?"

Tensing at this, Sam wanted to argue that he didn't want a hospital but Dean was shaking his head and drawing him back in close while struggling to get his jacket off to slid it onto his shivering sibling.

"Just for the basics, kiddo, then we're going back to the Batcave and…" Dean didn't know what would happen there but he just knew he wanted his little brother someplace where no one could hurt him and where Sam would be safe. "You trust me, little brother?"

Sam tensed slightly but nodded, sore and weak fingers gripping the wrist that he could grab to try to make Dean understand that he did since speaking still hurt. "Don'…leave…?"

"Leave you?" Dean blinked, not understanding why Sam would think he would until it hit him what Sam was probably told and had to work fast to school his face into a mask of calm as he lightly carded his fingers back through sticky and dirty long hair. "No, I'm not leaving you, Sammy," he promised, feeling the body in his arms nod before starting to go limp and let Sam rest.

Height and weight difference notwithstanding, Dean knew he could get his brother out to the Impala before burning the bodies and any evidence that would lead authorities back to them before heading to the next town and a hospital.

He'd worried that after the 'shifter had hurt his brother that Sam wouldn't let him touch him so it loosened the buried emotions that Dean had been shielding since he'd first heard his brother being raped over the phone and as his hunter side was saying to move, Dean stayed sitting on the bed that he planned to burn with everything else to just hold his brother another moment to reassure himself that Sam was physically safe.

The rest of it would be up in the air for the next little while but he'd find some way to be there for Sam, even if this did ruin any chance of anything else ever happening since he had no doubts that Benny had told his brother things that Dean had never planned to reveal to Sam because he'd worked too long to bury those feelings himself.

"It's gonna be alright, Sammy," he murmured, wiping his own eyes. "I've got'cha, little brother and we're going home."

**TBC**

**A/NII: **_Still here? I know. I pushed the envelope on this one. The healing comes next chapter which will hopefully be done soon._


	2. Chapter 2

**Hard Choices**

**Warnings: **Language and of course some explicit content since this chapter does contain Wincest.

**Chapter Two**

**Men of Letters Bunker, Two Weeks later:**

"No, a Wendigo is at least a two man job and Sam's still not ready to hunt and…it would eat you," Dean rubbed his eyes while trying to make sense of the latest website he was looking through. "Garth, give it to someone else and…I'll call you when we're ready. Unless Kevin cracks the other trial then you can call me," he groaned at the voice on the other end of the phone. "Yes, I know Kevin's eating you out of house and boat and no, I'm not telling you how Sam got hurt."

He disconnected before the next twenty questions could pop up to lean back in the wooden chair at the main table in the center room of the MOL base and strained his ears for any type of noise that he shouldn't be hearing.

Sam spent most of his time either in his room or in the library like room going through old files and any number of books that had been stored by the extinct group.

It had been two weeks since Benny's attack and Sam's brutal assault at the hands of the vampire and his shapeshifter buddy and most of those two weeks had been spent with Dean trying to pull his brother out of the shell he seemed to have built around himself.

The trip to the hospital had been slightly worse than Dean had been counting on since his brother had woken up halfway through the too personal exam and had nearly put three people in their own ER.

Then came the matter of explaining to the doctors and the police what had happened in a reasonable excuse since he sure as hell couldn't tell them the truth but if Dean was one thing it was that he was a born con artist and could still lie through his teeth with a straight face when he needed to.

Dean had known his brother was hurt aside from the bite marks, which were a bit harder to explain, but he wasn't expecting the doctors to keep Sam overnight just to make certain he wasn't bleeding internally and that the wounds up inside him didn't open up again.

Sam had been quiet since he woke back up but had become slightly more vocal about staying overnight when all he wanted was to get as far away from the hospital and the memories as he could but for once Dean didn't argue with the medics and he stayed overnight.

The first week back at the MOL bunker or Batcave as Dean liked to call it was mainly healing physically since he couldn't do much but lay on his side or his stomach and needed help even getting to the bathroom for the first three days.

The nights were the worst since no matter how hard he tried Sam couldn't escape the memories that came as soon as his tired brain tried to settle down. He couldn't escape the feeling of Benny's weight on him as he forced himself into him repeatedly or the damn shapeshifter's voice and touch.

It only took one nightmare for Dean to realize just what must have happened to Sam and while he hadn't asked yet since even beginning to bring it up caused his brother to freeze and close down he knew eventually he would have to because they needed to get a handle on this soon.

Most times since that first night, he'd been able to wake Sam up just with his voice but the few times that he hadn't and a touch had been required Dean had learned to either stand where his younger brother's reach couldn't get him or be prepared to bleed because Sam tended to lash out on those moments because he still couldn't tell as he was waking up what was real and what was dream.

Of course that wasn't a shock to the elder Winchester since his brother had been prone to nightmares ever since he was little and Sam was known to wake up swinging if the dream was especially bad. Usually he didn't react if Dean woke him up but since this time he suspected what his brother's nightmares were about he realized he was probably the worst person in the world to be the one with Sam right then.

But they were out of options since their list of friends was not as long as it once was…not that Dean would ever leave his brother when Sam was hurt, even if it was his voice and touch that seemed to be freaking the kid out right then.

"I hate fuckin' shapeshifters," he growled into the empty room, slapping the lid closed on Sam's laptop since it was giving him nothing more than he already knew.

Before they left the hospital an all too helpful, not at all, social worker had tried to talk to Sam about the aftermath and healing from being raped but that had just shut his brother down more than he had been before and it took a growl from Dean to get the man to understand Sam was not ready to 'talk' about it.

Dean had been given papers, little booklets, numbers to call in case of crisis and a folder of other stuff that he'd considered dumping in the first trashcan they came to but held onto them…just in case.

After the sixth night of screaming and begging that he'd sat through until Sam woke up gasping and gagging as he threw up, Dean had read through the literature but again didn't find out anything that he hadn't already known.

Healing required patience, understanding, caring and allowing the victim…that one burned because it was so hard for him to see his little brother as a victim, to heal and speak at his or her own speed but they should be encouraged to know that it wasn't their fault and that it didn't change things with loved ones.

He had burned it then because he could get more information offline about how best to handle this…if his brother was anyone else but this was Sammy and…he was his.

Sam wasn't another nameless statistic to Dean. He was his little brother and Dean knew the guilt for this laid squarely on his shoulders for not seeing the risk Benny posed.

He should've handled the vampire the first time he made a comment about Sam but he hadn't and now this is where they found themselves…Sam locking himself away because he was afraid that Dean may blame him for opening a damn door, for not being able to face his brother due to the freakin' shapeshifter that imitated Dean's form…again and for something that Benny never should've known about.

Of course Dean wasn't pushing either because if he did, if he got Sam to talk to him that might also mean they'd have to talk about things he wasn't sure either of them were ready for and that was the other reason that during the day, so long as he knew where Sam was, Dean was somewhere else.

Ever since the night he'd nearly pushed them over that single line, the line that would forever change their relationship, he'd avoided any thought of it…of Sam like that but now with Benny bringing it up and tossing it out there in front of Sam, Dean was having a hard time pushing it back into the box.

Dean had spent the next month when Sam was seventeen trying to distract himself from what he'd nearly let happen. He'd come within a hairs breath of talking to Pastor Jim about it but had backed out by just deciding he wouldn't let it ever come up again.

He wasn't gay, of that he was certain since he enjoyed females too much and except for a few times when money was short and their Dad was MIA with the cash Dean had never so much as looked at a guy…unless it was Sam and it had scared him.

It scared him now because those pesky thoughts were back out in the open and it was so hard to ignore the hard muscled body that was never very far from him…until this last week.

Sam had never broached what happened that night years ago and so Dean had thought, had hoped, his brother had shrugged it off to him being drunk but knowing what Benny probably said to his brother about that, it didn't surprise him that Sam was keeping him at an arms distance.

He'd been raped by a vampire and probably a shapeshifter wearing the face of the one person that no matter what Sam had always allowed himself to trust.

Finding out that his brother's thoughts toward him weren't always pure and brotherly probably scared Sam to death because physical touch right then just would not help him and that's why Dean had tried to steer clear, except it was slowly becoming clear that something else was bothering his brother and to find that out he would have to break the wall of silence.

Glancing at his watch to see that it was time to either go check on where Sam had ended up or start dinner that he may or may not get his brother to eat, Dean stood up to take a step when he stopped to listen before in the direction of the shower room.

Getting Sam even close to the shower room the first week after it happened reminded Dean of when his brother was a child and didn't want a bath. Arguing with his grown up little brother was just as annoying especially when it came with about sixteen stages of bitchface so he was surprised to hear the shower running.

"You in here or did we develop a ghost I need to salt and burn?" he didn't enter the room since he didn't want to make Sam anymore uneasy than he already seemed to be.

"How many more cases are you going to turn down?" Sam's voice still sounded tired and weak but it wasn't quite as hoarse as it was even a few days ago. "I know Garth called again."

"He'll keep calling until I tell him something other than no but I'm not hunting until you can stand more than twenty minutes without falling," Dean replied simply, his shoulder leaning on the doorframe to gaze at Sam's silhouette through the steam. "Y'know, I was beginning to wonder if another trip to see a doctor would be needed."

That got Sam's full head to peer around the shower wall to eye his older brother warily. "Why?" he hated doctors in the best of time and now was a time he would cheerfully shoot the next one that tried to come neat him. "I'm fine. I've been doing fine. The bites are healing and…I don't need that salve anymore so…"

"And if you hadn't started talking to me in more than one or two syllable words we were going to the doctor to see what was wrong with your throat," Dean told him, covering his smirk at this version of Sam's bitchface and waited until his brother vanished back into the steam and hot water to frown a little.

Between the trial to close Hell for good and now these injuries it was plain that Sam was losing weight and it was starting to show more which worried Dean.

Sam's time without a soul a year or so ago had put muscle on him since that's all his brother did was work out and while he'd toned down some of that since then the hard muscles along Sam's abdomen, chest and arms always stood out, especially when he showered.

Now he was getting thinner and Dean didn't want to think what else that could lead to when he heard the coughing start.

"Sam?" he wanted to step in in case his brother fell or slipped if the coughing got worse as it so often had before this happened but held back and that hurt.

He and Sam had been getting closer again and Dean hated that this was once again pushing them apart but he didn't want to upset Sam or make his brother more uncomfortable around him.

"I'm…fine," Sam assured him, keeping one hand pressed to the shower wall to maintain his balance while looking to see if he was coughing up blood again, relieved not to see red when he looked into his palm. "Dean?" instinct telling him that his brother hadn't moved from the door.

"Yeah, Sammy?" shifting slightly so his back was against the door but he could still keep an eye on Sam through the mirror, Dean took a chance and let himself look a little more and decided that was probably a mistake right then.

Even sick from the trials and whatever it was doing to his brother, Sam still could do to Dean what no one else, except maybe Cassie, had been able to do and that was just by gazing through steam at his brother's silhouette. He stopped his brain from going further on that train of thought because he could too easily see Sam in the very way that he'd been fighting against for years.

"I'm…sorry I hit you…again," Sam's voice dropped, holding his breath to see if he'd get a response or a reaction from his so far way too patient and understanding brother. "I…couldn't wake up and…"

"I know, Sam. It's fine. I'm cool," Dean suspected it was his more than extreme run of patience that was truly mystifying his younger brother since normally the first time blood was drawn he was ready to fight but he really did understand Sam's reactions and would not lash out back…yet. "Sam…" he began carefully and knew the second his brother's shoulders tensed that he suspected where this was going.

"You know that I haven't pushed you to talk to me or tell me anything that you aren't ready to but…I think it's coming up to the point where we are going to have to talk about a couple things," the shower room was silent except for the running water so when Dean heard the raspy breathing begin he knew to back off. "Okay, so how about if you listen to me and then I'll…back off?"

It was several seconds before Sam gave a nod while trying to focus on washing his hair and not panic that he was so not ready for this talk with Dean, especially not when he wasn't dressed and his defenses were down from waking up the way he had just then.

"I'll skip the usual psycho-babble lines of how you know this wasn't your fault, that you couldn't have stopped any of it and that you'll get over it because if you don't already know those things then I will kick your ass as soon as I think you're feeling better," Dean thought he heard a snort that could've been a little chuckle but ignored it as he dropped his eyes to see his fingers clenching into fists and forced himself to relax a little.

"I should've handle Benny the first damn time I realized he could be a threat to you but I thought he'd back off once he knew I wouldn't help him so that was my fault. I should've ripped his damn head off the night he met you but I didn't and we can't go back so this…what happened, it's on my head, not yours."

Dean paused to take a breath before trying to decide what he wanted to say and what he'd hold back. "I can't take back what Benny did or what that goddamn shapeshifting bastard did…Sam, you do not want to step out of there just now," he warned at the first glimpse of movement through the steam.

If he was going to do this then he would but Dean knew that he'd mess it up if Sam tried to interject or stepped out of the shower right then since there would be no way in Hell that he could keep that part of this in if he had to look at his brother full on naked then.

"Ever since that mess in St. Louis happened I swore that one of those things would never touch you again and I wasn't expecting Benny to team up with one. I don't know and you haven't said but I think I can guess probably what happened with it and…that's why you don't want me to touch you right now and that's…fine, I get it. I really do," he hated that he did but he couldn't and didn't blame Sam for his fears then. He'd been there and got it.

"But if we are going to get back to hunting you're going to have to talk to me because if you keep this in like you're doing there is no way in Hell that you'll be able to ride in the car with me or be comfortable having me behind you," Dean heard the change in breathing but didn't stop.

He'd say what he needed to and then just pick up the pieces where they'd fell. "I know what Benny said while he was on the phone and I can probably guess what he said to you after. I…I want to say he was lying, that he was making it up but…you know differently because I'm laying odds that you still remember what I almost did that summer you were seventeen and I was drunk.

"I could try and tell you that it happened then because I was drunk and that I never thought about it after or any time in the years since but…I won't lie to you anymore, Sammy and while it may be a bad time to do this I need you to know that I have," Dean chewed his bottom lip while tossing all his cards on the table and either making this situation better or worse, he wasn't sure yet.

"I have looked at you and thought of you in a way I shouldn't. I don't know why and I spent years drinking it away or sleeping with anything in a skirt but…Benny found out because…I screwed up one time down there and said your name while he was…fucking me and it was easier to not fight back if I thought of something else and that was usually you," he squeezed the bridge of his nose at the sound of something dropping in the shower, knowing he needed to get this out and then get out himself.

"You were never supposed to find that out. I never planned on you ever learning how I sometimes felt or how hard it is for me sometimes to not tell you or…God, just…anyway, we're not going there but I need you to understand that even though your big brother is a much bigger freak than either of us thought I would never hurt you, Sam," this is what he needed his brother to understand more than anything else right then.

Suspecting what the 'shifter had done and said to his brother made Dean sick because if at anytime Sam had believed it had been him then that meant Sam had also thought…

"When you want to talk, about anything, I'm here but…we can't hunt together if you can't trust me, Sam and I hope to God after everything else that's tried to come between us that this isn't what finally does," he straightened to go but held back to look into the mirror since he knew Sam would see his face better that way.

"No matter what else may happen or what you choose to think of me over this I'm still gonna be your big brother, Sammy and I will still look after you…unless you say otherwise. I'll leave you alone and I'll probably start dinner in an hour or so. If you need anything just…yell and Sammy?" he left the door after speaking his last words almost so quietly that his now fully struggling to control himself brother almost didn't hear him.

Sam had managed to stay standing and nearly quiet through his brother's ragged confession, understanding the point behind it but also getting what Dean was worried about.

He'd wanted to grab a towel and try to stop it, to say something but when the warning had come he'd listened because Sam had also understood that saying that hadn't been easy on Dean and he never would've done it if he would've had to have looked into Sam's eyes.

So he had stayed in the now cool shower to listen to Dean and had managed to control his own buried and breaking emotions until he'd managed to pick up the last three words whispered before Dean left him to either deal or make a decision that could very well do what neither angel nor demon had been able to do to.

Three damn little words that took Sam to his knees on the tile floor of the shower to feel the cracks begin to widen in the wall he'd built to hold back everything he'd felt and hidden from this time.

"'_I love you_.'"

In his life Sam could recall very clearly the times he'd heard those words from his tougher than nails, no emotion showing, no chick flick moments older brother and each of those times he still treasured…this one more so because he knew it had been said even though Dean was sure if he still trusted him or that he was worried Sam thought he was a…

"Shit. Shit. _Shit_!" Sam had known his brother was giving him more space than usual this time, especially after the last few nights when it had been Dean's face getting bloodied when Sam couldn't wake up in time to avoid the worst of the dreams but he hadn't once thought that this was what he'd been thinking.

Sam admitted that he had been feeling some of those fears his brother brought up. He was a trained hunter, hell he'd been trained by the goddamn best hunter he'd ever known, so he should've picked up that something was wrong even before he opened the door.

He'd been going through the mental list of things he should've did, should've known or seen that would've kept him from becoming a victim but he'd dropped the ball and got nailed. He did fear that his brother would be disappointed in him over that and worse, he feared Dean would be ashamed of him for what had happened to him.

Oh, Sam accepted that what Benny did hadn't been his fault, after several days of self-doubt over that one, since he'd tried to fight the vampire off but it had already been too late and that was the part that he feared Dean's shame and anger over.

He'd allowed the damn 'shifter close to him, allowed him to get the upper hand because like Dean had said Sam did remember the summer he was seventeen and he did recall only too vividly what nearly happened between them that hot night until Dean had pulled back with such a look of horror in those brilliant green eyes that Sam feared he'd done something wrong.

Sam knew his brother wasn't as drunk as he wanted to let on that he'd been. He'd seen the lust and desire in those green eyes that night. Just like he wanted to believe he'd seen it in them at other times since then only to have Dean close off from him and usually go out to a bar and not come back until well after Sam had fallen to sleep.

The younger Winchester had slowly started to believe maybe he'd been wrong and that he'd misread his brother that night and that it was his emotions and urges that were all wrong because he'd been looking at and dreaming of his big brother in that way since long before he was seventeen.

That was how Benny had gained the upper hand because the 'shifter had gotten close enough to a still half asleep and not feeling well Sam to touch him in a way that Sam had only allowed himself to dream about and by the time he recognized the signs of danger it had been too late to get out…too late to stop the 'shifter's assault and certainly too late to combat the vampire's greater strength.

Benny was something that Sam knew he could heal from. If it had just been the vampire's raping him then that wouldn't have been too much of an issue since after time he knew he and Dean could get over that, once he convinced his brother that it wasn't his fault either.

It was the shapeshifter and what happened that Sam was having issues with but not the ones Dean thought he was. Well, not fully since he did admit that for the first week it had been difficult to have his brother touch him or be close enough that he could feel him cause it did take him some time to make himself believe this was really Dean and not some sick monster using his feelings against him.

No, Sam's issues now and what had kept him from opening up in the way he'd been dying to was he didn't know if he could tell his emotionally closed off brother that he'd allowed the 'shifter close the first time because he wanted to feel and have Dean in a way that clearly his brother was still thinking about.

Or how to tell Dean without making him ashamed of Sam that while Benny was raping him the last time the damn 'shifter had used those emotions against him even as he turned Sam's own body against him.

That was Sam's biggest fear and the reason he'd been in the shower just then because for the past couple of nights it wasn't just the nightmares and feelings of the violent assault that had been chasing him but something he thought was much worse…until Dean's talk had left him breathless and just a little bit hopeful for the first time in years.

Slowly Sam got to his feet, legs still shaky but this time not from being weak or tired but from the possibility that things might not be as messed up as he'd been afraid they were.

Shutting the water off, he reached for a towel to dry off with as his brain continued to twirl and wander off in directions that he shouldn't let them yet.

Dean blamed himself which would mean he'd keep Sam at a distance until Sam made the next move to talk to him and that talk could go in any number of ways.

Good or bad it needed to be done because despite his ragged breathing and the heart that seemed to have lodged in his during while listening to his brother Sam had heard the unspoken concern and guilt buried deep and he was not going to let Dean go on thinking that he was alone in how he felt.

Staring at himself in the steam covered mirror, Sam sighed. He looked as worn out as he felt but allowed that a good bit of that was from whatever the trials were doing to him and chose not to deal with that as he reached for his clothes but kept his hand hovering for a second before making a choice that will either help or hurt his next move.

Leaving Sam alone to think hadn't been an easy choice but it was what he knew was best for them both. Dean had debated with himself on either going to work off his frustration in the weapons range like he had been doing or starting dinner but he hadn't felt the urge for either.

What he did feel the urge to do was off the table and so he decided to just absorb the quiet of his room until he could figure out what in the hell he could do to help Sam through this without making it worse or what he'd do when his little brother made the next decision.

He wouldn't blame Sam if he wanted some space between them until the kid worked all this crap through, especially on top of what Dean had just told him but then that left the problem of who in the hell he could trust well enough to leave Sam with considering he was not going to allow his brother to deal with the leftover wounds, and the emotional stuff all on his own.

Garth was out because while the skinny hunter was good at some things Sammy-watching just didn't seem to fit in. Charlie could be counted on since she looked at both Winchesters as surrogate older brothers and had an overprotective streak nearly as wide as Dean did for Sam but he still felt odd about…

"Dean?"

Looking up from where he'd been sitting on his bed just thinking, Dean hadn't heard the quiet knock on his door or his brother's voice until a hesitant hand nudged his shoulder.

"Yeah?" he coughed to cover the sudden roughness in his voice as he lifted his eyes up to bit back a groan as it appeared that Sam had come directly from the shower without stopping at his room to dress and that was so not a good thing in Dean's mind right now. "Sorry, I guess I was thinking too much. Did you call me?"

Sam stepped back just enough to not be in Dean's space as he sat up on the bed but still caught the flash of heat in his brother's gaze when he noticed that he was still only dressed with a towel wrapped around his waist. "I've been calling you for about five minutes," he admitted dryly, lifting a hand to motion his brother to stay sitting. "I…I just want to talk. Is that okay?"

"Sure, that's fine," Dean nodded, wishing he was standing or that his brother had chosen to have this talk anywhere else but his room or even better that Sam would go put some clothes on. "You…um…wanna dress first or something?"

"No, I want to do this before I change my mind," Sam replied, too restless to stand still and knowing that sitting would not help his brother's nerves so he began to wander the room.

It never failed to amaze Sam about the slight changes that had come over his older brother since they took up residence in the bunker.

The cooking had been one of those but it also made him happy to see his brother relaxed, though Dean wasn't looking too relaxed right then as his eyes watched Sam's every step.

"Sammy…I…" Dean didn't know how to start or what his brother wanted to say but the silence in the room was slowly driving him nuts and when Sam's hand closed the door completely it suddenly seemed like all the air was going out of his lungs. "What's up?" he asked cautiously, knowing that Sam hadn't liked having any of the doors in the bunker shut the past two weeks.

Keeping his hand flat on the door, Sam moved it down slowly to flip the lock before turning to finally face his brother. "You're gonna try to bolt once I start this and…I don't want to put this off any longer than I have been so that's why I shut and locked the door," he didn't miss the now wary expression that crossed Dean's rugged face as that comment registered.

"That's supposed to make me less worried?" Dean scoffed, standing but not moving from in front of the bed as he watched Sam closely for any signs of distress but for the first time in days his little brother's face was nearly unreadable and that caused him more stress. "What's this…"

"I don't blame you, Dean," Sam cut him off, keeping his distance now because he knew his brother only too well and knew if he handled this wrong that Dean would close off from them and from him. "Not for Benny, not for what happened because you didn't expect it. There was no way that you could've expected it. So this one is not on you…it's on me."

Seeing Dean's facial muscles tense, Sam shook his head to stop the argument that was about to ensue. "I opened the door. I let the bastard in. I let him get close enough to take me off guard when I finally realized it wasn't you," he took a step now because he was not letting Dean shut down. "Please, look at me. Dean, please."

Dean knew he'd set himself up for this but he actually hadn't thought Sam would want to do this so soon and hadn't prepared himself for the pain to come but the quiet plea in his little brother's voice would always be his undoing as he looked up to meet hazel eyes that were glistening with unshed tears. "Sam…"

"I have been shutting you out and yeah, for the first week or so it was hard for me to wake up and remember it was you and not him but…" Sam paused to take a deep breath, watching Dean and seeing the way he shifted, the way he'd slid his hands into the back pockets of his jeans. "Dean…what I say you may not like and I understand if you get angry and…I haven't wanted to talk to you about it cause I…don't want you to leave or be ashamed of me. I didn't want it to happen or…"

"Hey, nothing that happened would make me ashamed of you, Sam," Dean broke that train of thought and the halting words off, wanting to go to his brother but held back because those damn deep breaths were causing the muscles in Sam's stomach to tighten and it was so not helping him keep his thoughts in the clean and help his brother range. "Benny knew how to hurt you and me and that's why he…"

"I can get over what Benny did, Dean," Sam shook his head, tensing as he tried to think of a way to do this without possibly making a bad situation worse if he was misreading his brother. "It's what the damn 'shifter did that's harder and…no, don't do that," he suddenly moved to put himself in front of Dean when he started to move. "I need you to listen to me before you do anything. I need you to understand."

"What is there to understand, Sammy?" Dean snorted, eyes seeing the healing bite marks on his brother's neck and unaware of when his fingers moved to run over them lightly. "The goddamn thing took my form to trick you into lowering your guard so Benny could…damn it, I said I wouldn't ask but…Sam, did that 'shifter…"

"Rape me?" Sam was too busy focusing on his brother to feel the usual roll of his stomach at that as he reached out to grab the wrist of the hand that had been lightly touching the bite marks to keep it there when Dean went to shift away, giving him space. "You want me to lie and say he didn't?"

Dean's whole body had gone rigid at that because while he suspected that had been what happened he had still been holding out hope that his brother hadn't been assaulted by the monster using his likeness. Knowing the truth even without the words killed him a little and he just wanted to pull Sam in while offering as many assurances as he could that he'd never do that to him…except after his own admission in the shower room that wouldn't be completely honest.

"I knew by then that it wasn't you, Dean," Sam's voice speaking softly brought him back from the brink of an emotional meltdown, realizing his brother's hand was shaking as it laid over the one that Dean still had on Sam's neck. "I'd known several minutes before he actually did it that it was a shapeshifter and not you but I'd already let him too close. He'd gotten me down and I couldn't fight him off but…that's not what I haven't wanted to tell you."

The way Sam's voice dropped more, the habit of biting his lip when scared had come back and instantly those things had Dean's attention when he slowly used his other hand to tip his younger brother's chin up to see tears on his face.

"Whatever else it is, it wasn't your fault," Dean knew his own voice was huskier than normal, the tone dropping to the one reserved only for Sam and only when the no chick flick rule was about to be tossed out a window. "Whatever the bastard did was not your fault and I wouldn't hate you for it."

"No, this was my fault cause I couldn't stop it from happening, De'n," Sam shook his head quickly, unaware of when the letter dropped as he was suddenly very aware of how close he was to Dean and was reconsidering his choice of the towel. "I tried but I couldn't. He knew exactly what to do to…"

"Sammy, hey, stop," Dean reached up to catch the shaking face between his palms in order to try to hold Sam's eyes, seeing and not liking the building panic. "We've been over this. You could not have stopped what they did or…"

"Dean!" this time Sam's fingers grabbed onto his brother's black t-shirt to have something to do with his hands and as a way to make Dean understand he was not grasping the point. "He made me come!"

There it was. Dead silence filled the bedroom except for Sam's ragged breathing as he tried to calm down. Then a look into his brother's eyes had him be the one to try to back away but Sam had forgotten how fast Dean could be when it suited him and felt strong fingers grip his biceps.

"Sam," what in the hell he would say to this was still somewhere between Dean's brain and his mouth since he was in the stage of grasping the meaning of that and why it above all else that had been done to him would freak his little brother out to such a point of panic. "Sammy, stop. Calm down. I'm not mad."

"You're not mad because I haven't told you why it happened," Sam muttered, his body on edge and switching between trying to jerk away from the hands holding him or giving in to what he wanted to do.

Dean's brain was rapidly trying to remember things he'd read or had been told to try to relieve some of Sam's fears or shame over this but was coming up empty. It also didn't help when he realized how close Sam's knee was to a very annoying part of Dean's body right then.

"You gonna slug me if I try to give you the clinical excuses for something like that happening even during a time of stress, especially since the 'shifter was probably trying to…Sam?" his eyes narrowed just in slight warning when his brother's fingers wrapped tighter in his shirt to tug him closer to his face and there was now more frustration in those wide hazel eyes than panic. "What?"

"He could make me come, make me react to him…not Benny ripping me apart from the rear but the 'shifter could make that happen for the same reason he got me on the bed in the motel," Sam's hands shook and his voice was dropping but there was no going back from this and he accepted it. "Do you want to know how I finally knew in the motel that it wasn't you?"

He'd been curious but wasn't sure he wanted to know the answer. Now Dean was more than curious as he tried to ease back a little to give some space between them but let out a low growl when he was pulled closer, a move that definitely put him closer than he wanted to be.

Especially when his brother in a towel was having a bad effect on Dean's body but he was too distracted by keeping Sam from seeing how much tighter his jeans were feeling to notice the change in his brother.

Sam kept one hand wrapped in his brother's shirt while moving his other up to wrap long fingers that he knew were shaking with nerves and emotion on Dean's neck while holding his eyes fully. "I knew it wasn't you after about five minutes because even drunk the night I was seventeen and you almost gave in to suck me off, I knew then just like I knew in that room that you wouldn't have touched me without some kind of prep.

"The second he tried to stick his finger up in me without anything, spit or lube I knew it wasn't you, Dean but because I wanted it…because I wanted you so damn much, at the first touch of his hand on me I let my guard down," he tightened his grasp when he felt his brother jerk and did not lose eye contact as he watched the array of emotions flash in the eyes he'd grown up watching.

"There, after Benny had hung up with you and was in me again he had the 'shifter come over and make me look at it while it jerked me off. It kept saying how much I'd like it, how good it would be cause I wanted it cause I've been wanting you for so long and when he put his finger in along with Benny's cock…he just kept talking and…" Sam's voice broke suddenly, not wanting to lose eye contact but needing to glance away long enough to try to use his shoulder to wipe the sudden tears off his cheek.

Dean's hand was on his face to use his thumb to wipe away the wetness while trying not to let on how much those words were affecting him. "Not your fault, little brother," he spoke quietly, feeling Sam tense and understood. "He call you that?"

"I wanted it so much, Dean…but not like that, not from a…" Sam was tense now as he thought back to feeling the 'shifter touch him, to hearing it in his ear speaking in a tone of voice that he'd dreamed since he was a kid of hearing. "It made me come and Benny said he'd force you to watch while it…huh?"

A gentle pull brought his younger brother into his arms as Dean just held him, needing to buy himself the time to settle his own breaking emotions after listening and understanding things a bit better. "Not your fault," he repeated firmly, running a soothing hand over Sam's broad shoulders while avoiding going any lower and trying to keep his hips shifted to the side so Sam wouldn't feel the straining erection that was making Dean very uncomfortable.

It took Dean repeating that small reassurance a few more times before Sam slowly started to relax and let his arms carefully reach around to hold, always leery with this since his brother would usually bitch about chick flicks so Sam was surprised when the hug tightened just enough to assure him that it was okay to hold onto his brother.

"I didn't want to tell you that," Sam murmured, not even considering that this was the first time since waking up fully that he was being held by someone and not feeling afraid or sick. "I didn't want you to be angry or…but I also didn't want you to keep thinking that you were a freak cause of anything when…" he bit his lip while turning his head just enough that it was closer into his brother's neck and heard the way Dean's breath changed suddenly. "Dean?"

"Umm, yeah?" nearly shivering at the feel of Sam's breath on his neck, Dean fought back a groan and knew he needed to put some distance between them soon or get Sam down for some rest while he went to take the coldest shower of his life. "Sam…do you have _anything_ on under that damn towel?" he had to ask, knowing even before he felt more than heard the soft reply.

"No," Sam admitted, his lips nearly touching a spot just below Dean's collarbone but not making any other movements until he asked what was on his mind. "Did…did you mean what you said in the shower? About still thinking about me that way?"

There was no covering the groan this time because between the soft breath on his skin, the heat of Sam's chest pressing against his and knowing only too well how close Sam's leg was to that ever present erection that really wanted to seek out any kind of friction, Dean was close to breaking every rule he'd set himself for this moment.

"Sammy, if I wasn't working real hard at reminding myself of every single reason why this is a bad idea right at this moment…you would be seeing how much I meant it," Dean's voice was tight, the fingers of his right hand giving in to the urge to reach up to stroke up the back of his brother's neck to lightly go through the still damp long hair that he liked to bitch about so often. "Ummm, did you mean what you said about…I mean…"

"Since I was probably fifteen, almost sixteen," Sam replied quietly, aware suddenly that his brother wasn't the only one with a sudden issue and this surprised him since he hadn't expected to get hard this easily after what he'd been through.

Dean did the math on that one and seriously knew this needed to stop before it went farther than Sam was ready for this soon when he seemed to stop as his knee accidently shifted and he heard the soft moan his brother tried to bury by shoving his face closer against Dean's neck and it felt like all the blood had moved from his head to his groin.

"_Sonuvabitch_," he breathed, swallowing hard as he carefully eased back enough to see Sam's face to gauge his reactions and if he'd seen one single ounce of fear or negative emotion then that would have been the end of it until a much better time.

However all it took was a single look into Sam's darkening eyes, the way his breathing changed as he stared back at Dean and certainly the way that towel appeared to be getting a little damp for Dean to know and realize he needed to make a choice.

He could choose to stop this now and let it go no further for them until Sam was fully over his ordeal. Which if he knew his brother would just cause Sam to doubt his feelings or cause him to overthink his brother's reasons for stopping…or he could say the hell with rhyme and reason and go for what he'd been aching the last thirteen years for.

"Alright, billion dollar question comes back to you, Sammy," he coughed to try to bring his voice back close to normal. "You've been through hell and you're nowhere close to being over it. I won't lie to you and say I don't want to see just what is under that towel or do more than I even got close to doing that summer but I need to hear it from you.

"Can you let me touch you, just touch for now, without thinking about what happened there with that thing? Do you trust me enough to show that I won't hurt you like they did or do you want to back off until you feel safer with me?" Dean asked, holding his breath but ready to accept whatever choice his brother wanted.

Sam's mind did not want to function rationally right then even though he understood why Dean was holding back, why he was giving him the chance to choose for himself and that made him love his brother even more.

It also made up his mind that had been determined when he only wore a towel to go talk with Dean. "I do trust you, Dean," he replied quietly, dropping his eyes for the first time to look down and swallowed when he noticed how hard his brother was through the jeans. "I want this but…"

"Eyes up, Sammy," Dean chuckled, not having to guess where the hesitation was based from. "You let me worry about me and you let me worry about you," he was flipping a mental coin when he felt a shaking hand press down over him through rough denim and the choice was made with a rough groan. "Just a little for now," he eased the hand away before this was over even before it could get started. "What do you want to do?"

The question took Sam off guard because while he knew what he wanted he honestly had no clue how to even go about telling his brother. Luckily, Dean still had the uncanny ability to read him like a book and offered the one rare full smile only Sam could bring out in him.

"I planned to do that, baby boy," Dean murmured, no longer trying to disguise the need in his deep voice as he made sure to move carefully when he ran his hand up Sam's arm to his neck to lightly curve his fingers under his jaw before leaning in to offer a simple chaste kiss to his brother's lips and then waited to see what would happen.

Sam wasn't sure what he was expecting since he'd seen his brother in bars with the type of girls he flirted with but the light kiss and quiet use of a nickname that he hadn't heard in years seemed to take any hesitation that Sam might have had away and he gave a simple nod.

"You know this towel is coming off, don't you?" Dean asked, watching with sharp eyes the way his brother's throat moved as he swallowed again and knew he needed to go slow with this but before he could offer a snarky remark to try to lighten things up Sam's fingers touched the towel and it fell to the floor. "You are trying to kill me."

Dean had grown up with Sam so he knew his brother, since he'd shot up at fourteen and filled out more the past couple years, was built for the dreams of half the women Dean slept with.

That wasn't a shock or at least it shouldn't have been but now as he watched that damn towel fall to the floor it took a lot of Dean's willpower to not stare at the well-built, long limbed toned body in front of him.

He could feel Sam's eyes on him and he really did mean to say something light and easy to put the kid at ease since he understood this had to be awkward or at least a little nervous so Dean's plan was to say something with his usual cockiness.

"Damn, Sammy," he let out a breath as he looked again then lost some of the attitude as he began to understand what he was being given. "Where have you been?"

Sam's laugh was true and honest since he hadn't been expecting the rush of emotion brought on by Dean's look. "Right under your nose, big brother," he offered, hoping he wasn't shaking as much as he thought he was but didn't move as Dean closed the small space between them to just touch his chest. "Dean? You can…"

"Shhh," it shocked Dean that he was doing more but he didn't want to push anything on Sam that his brother wasn't ready for and he discovered that he wanted to take his time with what they did do. "Sit down," he could see how Sam was shaking and couldn't decide if it was because of fear over this or because he'd been standing too long but didn't want to chance it.

Sam sat but his hands were restless and he wanted to touch something but felt his grasping fingers lightly tapped before they reached for Dean's belt as his brother sat next to him. "You have too many layers on, Dean," he objected, suddenly feeling very exposed but the husky chuckle that complaint received caused his already hardening cock to twitch.

"I'll give ya the shirt but if the jeans come off we'd end up doing more than you're ready for, Sammy," Dean told him, pulling the black t-shirt up and over his head and not missing the hiss of breath Sam released at the first sight of his own stomach and chest. "Happy?"

"I'd be happier if you were touching me," Sam groaned, seeing the mild look of surprise flitter over Dean's still worried face but then it was gone; replaced by a darker look that could only be described as lust held in check by his brother's concern. "Dean, I want to feel you touch me…kiss me or…mmm."

Figuring he'd know how far they could go or how far Sam was okay with, Dean lightly nudged his brother until his back hit the comforter of Dean's memory foam bed before following him down to offer another kiss; this one a bit more heated.

Sam's hand came up on instinct to press against his brother's chest but he didn't push rather than slowly move it down to feel the ridged muscles that so many people didn't realize Dean had.

He moaned at the touch of calloused fingers molding over his stomach that he didn't even start at the gentle flick of a tongue over his lips as he let his mouth open to accept both the heat of the kiss that he'd been wanting for years and Dean's tongue as it began to gently explore.

Allowing Sam the time to accept all the new feelings, Dean took his own time to explore his brother's mouth and groaned at the first touch of Sam's tongue.

Deeping the kiss only when he felt Sam getting anxious for more, he changed positions of his head enough to be able to still kiss him at a better angle and was surprised at the low moans and whimpers he was drawing out of his little brother with just this small amount of attention.

Pulling back to look down, Dean grinned a little at the lust blown hazel eyes that were giving him a look he knew only too well. "Who taught you to kiss like that, little brother?" he asked lightly, letting his eyes and hands begin to slid over Sam's well sculpted abs and for the first time Dean didn't curse the time his brother was soulless.

"Grew up…watching you suck face with any girl who'd give you the time of day," Sam gasped, fighting to keep still as his brother's hands roamed freely down until they got to that V and it took everything he had not to let his hips thrust up but his cock certainly seemed to be interested as he moaned deep in his throat. "Learned from the best and…God…Dean!"

Smoothing a hand lower to slip into that V, Dean allowed his fingers to curve again while keeping his other hand pressed on Sam's waist to urge him to stay still. "You sure this is what you…?" he got cut off when Sam pushed up to find his mouth again in a hot kiss while his hand was urged closer to the now slowly dripping cock.

"I trust you," Sam whispered against his mouth, letting himself fall back to the bed to watch what his older brother would do. "I know you won't hurt me or go too far yet," he chewed his bottom lip in a way that he had no clue drove Dean nuts while adding in a voice strained with feeling too much too suddenly. "I wanna feel you touch me. I don't care where or what…just need to feel you."

"Trust me, Sammy. As soon as I know you are one hundred and ten percent healthy for all things physical you'll get to feel me in all the ways you want but until then…" Dean paused to offer a wicked smile before leaning closer to press a series of soft kisses down Sam's chest, paying special attention to the curve of his neck where the deepest bite mark still showed. "This okay?"

Words were getting harder to come by as his body burn and his now fully hard and engorged cock wanted attention but as Sam went to move his hand he found it pinned to the bed with Dean's fingers sliding his apart until the meshed.

"Hands off, baby boy," he growled playfully, relaxing more that he was more confident that Sam was alright with this. "I'll take care of that in a second but first…wanna do this," his mouth continued to kiss a path up Sam's neck until he got to his ear where he let his teeth bit gently and smiled to himself as the sounds that got him. "Damn, who'd've thought you'd be so sensitive there?"

"I am so getting you back one day," Sam moaned, twisting his legs to try to turn a little to gain just a hint of friction but the moment he moved he was put back on his back with the weight of one of Dean's arms over his stomach and that was the first time he tensed.

Dean felt the change but didn't say anything. Instead he began kissing his brother's neck again, moving back down slowly to gentle suck at the hard line of Sam's jaw before going down to his chest to draw a rock hard pebble into his mouth to begin to roll it wetly with his tongue and felt Sam relax at the first ragged moan.

Sam hadn't been expecting to feel like this or at least not this time. He'd known if he could get his brother to do anything that Dean would make it good but as he let his head fall back again he gave up the pretense of control or of being quiet and just went with it.

"That's it, baby boy. I want to hear you, Sammy," Dean's voice was pure sex now as he worked to replace bad memories with good ones but it was also getting harder for him since his jeans were now fully too tight to concentrate in and he had to shift a hand away from rubbing over Sam's side and abs to pop the button of his jeans and ease the zipper down enough to relieve some of his the tension he was in. "It's just us here. You wanna scream or yell, you do what you want and let me take care of you."

"You…always take care of me, De'n," Sam groaned, eyes closed as his hand tried to find some grip in his brother's too short hair to urge him to continue with what he was doing. "Dreamed of this…wanted you to do this for…so long and…uh!"

Needing to shut his brother up before he caused Dean to not be able to concentrate at all, he stretched back up to offer a kiss that he intentionally keep more sweet than hot before moving his hand, palm flat against Sam's hot skin, down until he got to where he thought his brother wanted it but held off for just a moment until Sam groaned in pure frustration.

"Please," Sam whispered, eyes now fully blown wide with lust and desire but still picking up on Dean's reticence and guessing why. "Does it bother you what I said earlier, Dean?" he hoped it hadn't and was pushing up to an elbow when his world went white and with a sound that was part moan and cry of enjoyment Sam's head went back.

"Shit," Dean whispered, the reaction nearly causing him to come without even touching himself and he'd only touched Sam's now weeping cock with a finger under the length to test the reaction or if Sam wouldn't like it. "By the time I'm done, you won't even remember what that bastard did."

"Who?" Sam's eyes were shut but the small smile playing on his lips earned him a laugh and a quick kiss that he knew he'd never get tired of when he heard the sound of a cap opening and shut his eyes tighter against the burn of tears he felt.

He knew if Dean saw them that this would be over before he could explain they weren't from pain or memories but from the fact that his brother cared enough even while just touching him there to use lube to help the slid of his hand over Sam's twitching and weeping precome cock.

Distracted by his thoughts, Sam missed the feel of his brother's hot mouth as it closed over the space just over his pelvic bone even as a firm hand slid around his cock to start at the base and slid up to the tip and he couldn't stop of cry of surprise.

"Sam?" Dean's head came up and his hand stopped moving at the sound, green eyes that were a much deeper green since his desire was fast outweighing his brain's ability to think clearly unless it was to make certain this wasn't hurting his brother. "You want to stop or…hey, watch the hair, little brother," he hissed when Sam's fingers dug into his scalp but it gave a push down to encourage his brother not to stop him.

"If you stop now I will so hide every cassette tape you own and switch the coffee to decaf," Sam growled, hips thrusting up in response to the gentle tightening along his cock and he didn't missed the soft response to that threat but lost the words to reply when the mouth slid lower as his shaft raised up higher and it only took a second to realize what Dean was going to do.

"Ugh!" he groaned, struggling not to move but it was hard as Dean's slick hand was now moving in a steady rhythm on his cock while he'd adjusted and moved Sam's legs in a way that he could slip both balls into his mouth to begin to suck them gently.

Sam's fingers were digging into the mattress to keep from grabbing onto Dean but one hand still found its ways into his short hair to pull his head closer until his mouth closed tighter and the younger man was beyond words and whimpered in between moans of pleasure.

"More, De'n," he moaned, trying to move but felt the single hand on his hip give a squeeze and he tried to stay still for his brother.

Even like this, Sam knew his brother was giving more than he was getting because as he opened one eye he could see Dean's own hips trying to thrust down on the bed to find any sort of friction to help the straining edge of his trapped cock that was well defined through the open jeans.

"In…me?" Sam asked on a moan when a wet tongue slid out to press up behind his sac and he threw an arm up to grip the headboard. "You…need…"

Dean pulled back with a wet pop as he released to lift his head, green eyes now only a thin line of color behind black as he struggled to remain in control. "No," he sounded raw from straining not to do just that but he wouldn't and hadn't planned to take Sam that far tonight. "You're still too raw and…no way," he groaned as Sam whimpered and tried to use his secret weapon.

"No puppy eyes, Sam," he hated that trick but found it hard to ignore the moans and pleas coming from his younger brother who was so hard and dripping that Dean didn't know how he was managing not to come. "Hang on."

Thinking that he understood what Sam was thinking, Dean knew he'd hurt him if he entered him right then but that didn't mean he couldn't give his brother something as he slid the index finger of his free hand through the extra lube and freely dripping precome on Sam's cock to slick his finger up before catching his brother's eyes.

"You tell me if this hurts you," he warned tightly, stretching out beside Sam's now sweat glistened body to begin to kiss him again while keeping his right hand moving in a firm but quicker moving grasping along his cock as he slid his finger between Sam's now spread legs to ease up to find the crease of his ass and the hole he knew would still be sore.

Finding the tight hole with just the tip of his finger, Dean claimed his brother's mouth in a hot kiss and swallowed the moan that he wasn't sure if he made or if Sam had when his finger slid into the first knuckle before he pulled it back to just lightly tease the opening as a way to offer Sam pleasure without risking further injury to him.

"…Mmmh, it's good," Sam moaned, turning his face until it was pressed into the hollow of Dean's throat to begin to kiss and suck; his teeth lightly worrying it and knew his brother would have an interesting mark in the morning. "More."

"God, you're greedy," Dean laughed, arching his neck to give his brother more access and letting out a deep moan of his own the second Sam's mouth found his pulse point to lick it.

Getting off on the sounds coming out of Sam with just a hand on his cock, a fingertip lightly teasing the hole that had been so badly abused before and wherever Dean chose to kiss him that the older man wasn't even aware of when he began to rub his badly neglected hard-on against the hard muscle of Sam's thigh until his brother groaned.

Since both of Dean's hands were busy Sam took it upon himself to reach down before his brother realized what he was doing to get his jeans the rest of the way open, slid a hand down into the boxer briefs to move them down enough to pull his blood red, fully hard and weeping a steady stream of precome into his hand, making both Winchesters groan.

"Sammy…" Dean closed his eyes at just the pleasure of something touching him that it took him a second or two to keep from coming right then. "No…don't want to…this is for…you," he groaned when Sam's fingers stroked him. "Wanted this to be about you…not…sweet…you are so not watching porn anymore," he groaned, a lightly surprised when Sam began to move more until he got to his side so they were more or less facing one another.

"It's…about us," Sam gasped, rolling his hips lightly and like this he could better feel the fingertip that was so lovingly rubbing at the rim of his hole but he wanted more and if he couldn't come with the feel of Dean's cock inside him then he'd go for Plan B. "We…come together," he pressed his brother's now freed from any binding material against the hand that held his. "Jerk…jerk us both off. Wanna come now, De'n."

The pain and exhaustion was plain and Dean knew Sam was quickly running out of the energy this type of thing required so with a nod, he adjusted so they were pressed against one another in a way that actually felt more natural than Dean had felt with anyone else.

He hadn't expected to do this but once he wrapped his now well slicked hand around both of their cocks he bit back the moan to focus on still making this good for his brother but Sam's lust blown eyes had locked on his before a second before their lips found each other again for another kiss that Dean was knew once his brain was clear he could define as soul shattering deep.

Sam's hands were now in constant motion over his brother's body as he moved his mouth over Dean's jaw to his neck while his hands curved to touch as if afraid he'd never get another chance and only slowed when his brother's teeth closed over his shoulder and his hips thrust forward.

Dean was so close he could taste it but refused to come before his brother when something Sam had said earlier came back to him and he suddenly got it.

Hearing the soft moan that came as he pulled his finger free so he could have his left hand to use to card back through sweat soaked long hair while leaning in close to lick around the shell of Sam's ear, feeling him shudder. "Come, Sam," he whispered hotly against his ear, smiling against Sam's skin at the whimper. "Come for me now, baby boy."

Whether it was the use of the name that had suddenly become Dean's second favorite nickname for his brother or the way he twisted his hand over Sam's ready to explode shaft or when he slid the tip of a finger into its slit but he felt the shudder hit before Sam shouted and came with Dean's name on his lips.

"That's it, Sammy. I've got you," Dean gave a hard jerk of his own cock and followed his brother into orgasm that soon left them both too weak to move.

The only sounds in the bedroom for a long time was ragged breathing before Dean's brain cells cooled off enough to recognize the sounds of barely muffled tears, feeling them against his chest since that's where Sam had chosen to bury his face.

"Sammy?" concern waking him up, Dean's hand was moving up to lift his brother's face enough to find his eyes under the mass of hair covering his eyes. "What's wrong?" he demanded, beginning to curse at himself for letting this happen when Sam's lips suddenly found his in a soft kiss that calmed Dean down as he returned it while shifting them on the bed so that Dean was on his back with his arm wrapped protectively around his brother. "Talk to me, Sam."

"Thank you," Sam murmured, feeling embarrassed for the tears but he hadn't been expecting the depth of the emotions brought on by what had just happened between them. "I'd given up thinking that this would ever happen cause you never brought it up again and I was afraid it was me and I know you didn't want to after what happened and…"

A finger pressed to his mouth stopped the rambling words as Dean lifted his head enough to look at Sam seriously while stilling carding his fingers back through Sam's hair like he would to calm him down before. "I've been wanting to do this with you, only you before you get that big brain working overtime, since that night but Sammy, I knew it wasn't right," he sighed, laying back to feel Sam's head finding a spot between his neck and shoulder to rest in while his brother's hand laid over the anti-possession tattoo on his chest.

"It's right for us," that was all Sam knew but he understood his brother all too well and figured he'd go through a period of self-doubt. "Do you…regret it?"

"Regret one of the best nights of my life? Are you high or just too sleepy?" Dean scoffed, his fingers working down to smooth some of the tension he could feel in his brother's arm. "I don't regret it, Sam. I…love you and if you think I'm saying that more often you have another thing coming but…you're still my little brother so the concern will be there but…"

A warm kiss pressed to the hollow of his throat made him groan and he heard the best sound in a while when he heard Sam's soft happy life and knew the dimples would be there with his smile if he looked down. "You don't have to say it too often, Dean," Sam yawned as sleep began to come on now that he was thoroughly relaxed. "Just…make love to me again?"

"Again, you must be high or sleepy if you think this was a one-time thing, baby boy," Dean smiled as he managed to pull one end of the comforter up so it would cover Sam and keep him warm since Dean didn't think he had the strength right then to move to find another blanket. "I promised once you were healthy what we'd do and I aim to keep that one."

Smiling against Dean's throat, Sam fall to sleep and for once he was certain he'd sleep through the night without any risk of nightmares or dreams because he felt safe and knew that while things may get tough that he and Dean would weather through it.

Listening to Sam's breathing even off as he slept, Dean laid awake for another hour just to have this quiet time. He would never regret what just happened and he'd take it so long as Sam was willing just like he'd always protect his little brother against whatever things they faced out in the world he'd make damn certain to never allow him to be hurt like he had been this time.

Smoothing a hand down Sam's hair to settle at the small of his back, Dean finally closed his eyes to sleep without worry, concern or fear of what the next day would bring. He knew what the next day would bring…if he could talk Sam into a hot shower before breakfast that is.

**The End**

**A/N: **This one got a little longer than normal but I want to thank everyone who has read Hard Choices. I hope you enjoyed it and will look for more from me soon…(in between stories under my other account too, lol). Thanks!


	3. Epilogue Part 1

**Hard Choices**

**A/N: **_Normally I do not add to stories once I finish them but a couple readers wanted that shower scene I mentioned at the end of the previous chapter so I hope it lived up to expectations._

**Epilogue I**

Waking up and not feeling stressed, upset, sick, or freaked out was not something Sam was expecting since for the past two weeks he hadn't been able to wake up without any of those things.

Feeling peaceful and actually almost relaxed he didn't immediately recall the reason for the change until he felt the warm touch of fingers stroking his arm and unlike other times when he might have tensed he felt his body try to move into the touch more.

"You wakin' up in this century?"

Dean didn't sound like he'd just woken up which meant his older brother had been awake and had stayed in bed, kept his hold light, so he'd still be there when Sam woke.

"What…time?" Sam knew his voice still sounded weak and rusty at times but forgot that or how raw his throat could be in the mornings at the first touch of warm lips closing over his. "God, I was afraid I dreamed this part."

"Well, I have been told makin' out with me is like a dream come true," Dean smiled at the low groan he got from that line which had been his plan as he watched Sam slowly wake up and wanted to make sure his brother was feeling alright. "I keep saying to just wait until you're all the way healthy and I can show you a totally different side of Heaven that…mmmh. Good morning to you too, Sammy."

Not sure if he wanted to laugh or punch his brother Sam shut him up in the only way that made sense to his still sexed out brain and that was to kiss Dean, not covering the shiver that went through him at the feel of his brother's mouth opening under his as tongues met to explore and play until Dean was gasping.

"You wake up like this every morning?" he chuckled, pushing up on an elbow to gaze down into Sam's eyes and was relieved to see his brother looking more relaxed and at ease than he had even before Benny's attack took place. "If so, we might not be getting out of bed too early sometimes."

"Not usually," Sam admitted a little shyly, dropping his eyes to watch Dean's fingers stroke down his arm to just offer a light touch to the closest rock hard nipple. "Must be cause I'm…happy this morning."

The quiet admission, the still sleepy boyish grin and the way Sam seemed to move against him had Dean's body waking up and recalling what he'd been thinking about before he went to sleep.

"So…you crashed last night and we're both kind of…sticky," he ran his tongue over his teeth while his hand moved down Sam's chest where come and sweat had dried over the night and the image of his little brother's hard body slick with soap was making him hard again. "I thought before I made breakfast we'd have a quick shower or you can shower while I start bacon or…"

Awake now as the husky voice made Sam read through the lines to know what Dean was suggesting, he also understood that his brother was offering him time alone if he wanted it after last night.

It was still a little surreal to Sam that after so many years of wanting, desiring, of dreaming to be wanted by Dean as much as he wanted him that he'd been given that and it was so far only a mindblowing handjob that left the younger man aching for the time they could do more.

The thought of actually seeing Dean in the shower, which he'd done before, but to know he could touch him now without feeling scared or odd took any leftover doubts or concerns Sam might have had away. "Probably need the one wound checked anyway," he admitted even though he knew most of the wounds were healing fine, it would give Dean a reason to have his hands on him more. "Shower first and then…we can go…out for breakfast."

In the two weeks since Benny's attack, Sam hadn't been out of the bunker. He hadn't wanted to go out or felt right going out but this morning, after a night of fulfilled desire and of accepting that his years of yearning and want had been returned, he figured if Dean wanted to then he would.

"Uh-huh. I'll cook it…after we check you over," Dean leaned over to lightly kiss the side of Sam's neck before nudging him gently. "You go start the shower while I grab some clothes since one of us actually needs to wear some today or nothing is going to get done."

"Kind of thought you might enjoy that," Sam's smile was slow and he couldn't quite meet his brother's eyes as he stood to stretch and winced a little since he was still sore in places that he tried to dismiss when he felt a hand on his face. "Dean?"

Having watched Sam get out of bed, Dean's gaze roamed the still naked body of his taller but younger brother to wonder what it would feel like the first time he could get Sam under him in a way that he knew they both now wanted.

He didn't miss the wince of mild pain or the brief flash of shadow that crossed Sam's eyes as the never too far away dark memories surfaced and he refused to let them or let what Benny and the shapeshifter did ruin this for his brother as he reached over to touch him.

"I'm right here," he assured him quietly but firmly, leaning in to offer a kiss that was more for comfort than heat at the moment.

"I know. Thanks," Sam nodded, surprised to feel a little uneasy walking to the shower with nothing on but something in the way he could see Dean's eyes heat allowed some of that to uncoil.

Dean waited until Sam's hand touched to door to call out. "Sammy? I never said I wouldn't enjoy seeing you walk around here without anything on. I said nothing would get done because once I have that chance…we're gonna be exploring this place in totally new ways than we have been," he hid his smile behind a smirk by the time Sam's eyes moved back to lock on his. "Shower, hot water, five minutes, little brother."

Only his brother could turn something that simple and easy sounding into something right at home on a porn screen but it also managed to heat Sam's blood right back to where it was last night.

It took him less than the allotted five minutes to get the water to a temperature that wasn't scalding but also wasn't lukewarm either and he'd decided to step under the hard spray, which was one of Dean's favorite things in the bunker, to let it beat down on him.

Senses well attuned now and still on the high stage of alert, Sam felt his brother's presence long before he felt his touch and only because he had was he able to not tense at the feel of Dean's hard and lean body pressed against his back.

"Soon," Dean whispered after pressing a light kiss to Sam's tight shoulders before turning him around to press his back against the tile wall. "An actual shower first, then food…then…we'll figure that out later."

They'd grown up together so Sam had seen Dean in the shower, after a shower and plenty of things in between but this time as he watched his brother reach for the bar of soap and begin to work soap suds up between his hands it offered him pictures that had him chewing his lip to keep from groaning.

However the moment those hands touched him the groan came out and it took all of Sam's strength right then to stay standing and not to touch when the urge to run his own hands over Dean's body, to feel the ridges and muscles that very few people appreciated on his brother.

"Uh-huh, hands off until I'm done," Dean must have felt the way Sam moved as he worked on rubbing slow soapy circles across and down Sam's chest while paying special attention to his nipples the moment it became plain that his brother was sensitive there. "Tell me what you don't like, Sam."

Still concern about moving too fast or pushing too far after the experience Sam had endured, Dean was determined to take this as slow as possible and ignore how much he ached for more.

Only having a rough idea on what Benny and the 'shifter had put Sam through two weeks earlier, Dean had to rely on his brother's responses to know what to do or in the case of feeling Sam tense the moment he went to kneel down to continue using his hands to soap him up while sliding his hands along his body perhaps what not to do.

Looking up to see that while Sam's eyes were growing dark and his cock showed a definite response to Dean's actions, he also noticed the tightness to his brother's face and the way his hands were pressed to the wall as if fighting his basic response to stop him.

Standing easily, Dean leaned in closer to continue to rub and massage the soap over Sam while easing him away from the wall to begin to soap his shoulders, back to finally smooth his hands down over the curves of Sam's ass and gently squeeze.

"Hmmm," Sam moaned at that, aware that Dean was avoiding touching too hard on spots he suspected would still be too raw or sore but the second he felt fingertips brushing over the crease he couldn't stop his hips from moving forward and heard his brother's sharp breath as he slipped a knee between Sam's legs to offer him the friction he was seeking. "More, Dean."

Dean understood that after so long of wanting that Sam did want and need more but he still know his brother was too sore for him to actually enter him like he figured Sam wanted and since Sam's health and wellbeing was prime number one in Dean's book regardless of if they were hunting or in bed this was one thing he would not do until he was certain Sam was healed.

"Need to feel you," Sam's hands were now roaming freely over Dean's back as he tried to pull him closer. "Wanna feel you…in me…on me…something, anything," his head fell back to the wall when Dean's mouth closed over his neck to suck hard until he knew he'd have a mark later but he much preferred being marked by his brother to the healing bite marks that were still visible.

"Want that too but…" needing to distract Sam a little while he thought of a way to do this that would please them both but not hurt his brother, he grabbed the shampoo to dump it over Sam's head. "Relax a second and let's get clean before we get dirty again."

That didn't help Sam any since right then as he felt every hard muscle of Dean's body against him and as he tried to get more friction than he could to satisfy his hardening cock, Sam suddenly was aware that he just wanted his brother to take the rest of the darker memories away but feared saying that in case it would make Dean too nervous about going this far.

"Need…" he gasped in surprise when Dean suddenly shifted so the water was beading down to rinse soap off while his hands continued to touch, feel, caress until he was pressing the heel of his palm down over the base of Sam's cock as little drops of precome could be seen just starting to form.

"What did it do?" Dean asked with his lips against Sam's ear, licking around the shell to taste both soap and Sam's own flavor when he took it down the side of his brother's neck to close his lips more gently over the most livid and still raw bite mark from the vampire. "Did it make you suck it or did it…"

Moaning, a brief flash came but his mind was still to on fire from the feelings that Dean was causing to be bothered by it. "Both," he got out on a stuttered breath when once again skilled fingers rubbed up behind his sac and Sam shuddered when he felt a gentle tug on one of his balls. "Wanna feel your mouth…God!"

Hot wet lips closing over his nipple caused Sam to thrust his hips into thin air since Dean had moved his leg away and the younger man was barely away of the whimpers he was making and he was shocked the water still beating down wasn't turning to steam since Sam was fairly certain he was burning up.

"Those two things go on the list of things to do in another couple weeks," Dean decided tightly, swearing he was going to make the whole race of shapeshifters extinct for what has been done to his brother. "Turn…turn around, Sam,"

Not even thinking twice that this would put his brother behind him, Sam did so while thinking that he'd at least find his steadily leaking and almost fully hard cock the friction it wanted.

He thought that until Dean stood to press against him carefully, just allowing his own hot and interested cock to brush the water slicked crease of Sam's ass and he stilled.

"Easy. I'm not gonna hurt you or do that yet," Dean's voice was ragged, on edge from controlling his own burning need while his hands slipped to Sam's waist to pull his hips away from the wall before moving his brother's hands up to the wall as if in support. "Do you trust me, Sam?"

He'd once again allowed Dean to set his body on fire from the inside out and his brother was asking stupid questions and not letting him give his cock any relief. "Yes…God, yes!" he groaned, wanting to feel the heat of his brother shoving into him but knowing Dean wouldn't yet and not denying he was a little leery but still needing something. "I could…never not trust you. Just do something!"

"Aren't you the bossy one this morning," Dean chuckled, placing his hands over Sam's on the wall to spread his fingers while just putting a bit more weight against his back but also being careful as he did this. "You know as soon as you're healed what I want to do, right?" his lips seemed to always find the spot just below Sam's ear to lick or bite and he felt the shiver. "It's up to you when we actually make love, shut up, cause we're not rushing this."

This time when Sam shuddered it was because of the strength and depth in Dean's voice when he spoke. Sam never expected his emotion hating brother to not use a more crude way to describe the actual act that he knew they both wanted so when he didn't it was hard for Sam not to push back against the hard length just touching his ass.

"Now since I promised you a shower and since I'm not wasting have you soaking wet in this one, I want you to lean here with only your hands touching the wall while the water hits your back and I…check out this wound," Dean's lips curled into a smile against Sam's neck to kiss and taste as he left a trail of kisses down his spine. "Don't move and no touching. You're gonna come just by what I do and nothing else, baby boy."

Sam figured he could come just by the tone of Dean's voice but since he was curious as to what his brother was planning as he kissed and licked his way down until he got to Sam's waist to nudge his legs a bit farther apart.

People always seemed to comment on the size of Sam's hands and the strength he must have in them and while he never denied that, what Sam was always amazed at was the strength in his brother's hands.

It was years ago that it hit Sam one night that while Dean's hands were smaller he had a great deal more strength in them than anyone would know and right then those strong calloused hands were molding into the flesh of his ass to draw a deep moan from Sam's throat.

"That's it, Sammy. I always want to hear you," Dean doubted if he'd last too long with the sounds his little brother could make just by a few touches of his hand or his mouth and as he continued to knead and mold his hands over those curves he knew the sounds Sam was about to make would be even more intense. "No holding back and…tell me if you don't like this."

"Huh? What? Like what?" Sam's brain was nearly not able to form words much less focus on staying still when his hips wanted to thrust forward as his cock now dripped a steadier drip of precome. "Dean? What's…oh my God!"

Sam's voice rose on the unexpected shout that ended in a low moan of want. He'd felt long fingers gently easing his cheeks apart to lightly rub there but hadn't thought much about it since Dean had said he wanted to see if his wounds there were healing right.

He'd been expecting the light touch and maybe to feel a finger on the rim of his still sore hole but what Sam hadn't been expecting and what had made him nearly come right there was the first touch of a hot wet tongue licking a stripe right up between his crease to find his hole.

"Like that, Sammy?" Dean suspected the answer the moment he had to use one hand to hold Sam's hip from pushing back. "You're still too sore and swelled back here to take my cock, a finger maybe later…but do you want to feel what's it like to have my tongue licking into this sweet, little red hole back here?"

A master of dirty talk, the elder brother groaned himself as his own cock twitched between his naked legs to drip on the floor as the showers heads rained water down on them. "Do you want this, Sammy?" he needed an answer because while he was teasing he also needed to know that his brother was okay with his extreme an act so soon into this new side of their lives.

"Now…now who's high? Yes!" Sam gasped out, letting his head fall back at the warm breath and husky laugh filled him only a second before Dean's tongue found his hole to lick it wetly and just that had Sam shivering from need.

Before he'd decided on this and while he'd been squeezing Sam's cheeks apart with his fingers, Dean had taken a look to see if he could see anything that would tell him this may hurt Sam but after only seeing a little redness and some swelling, which he knew was normal considering the trauma his brother had gone through from Benny's dick repeatedly assaulting him.

Confident that he could tease and still get Sam off like this, Dean made sure he had plenty of spit to use in addition to the running water hitting Sam's straining back to slide down over his ass as he began to work the tip of his tongue up to touch the rim before licking just into the hole with a groan of his own.

Dean had only done this once with a girl back in school and hadn't been too impressed by it but at the feel of his brother's body, hot with need, pushing back as if trying to urge him to go deeper, he squeezed Sam's hip to assure him he'd take care of him before easing back.

"No, no…Dean…c'mon," Sam wanted to feel that again. He hadn't expected this move and hadn't expected to like it right then much less be craving it as he was but calmed down at the feel of his brother's fingers rubbing sigils over his hips.

"I've got it, Sammy," Dean whispered roughly. "I've got you," he added before slipping the tip of his tongue back into the tight heat of Sam's puckered, still slightly swelled, hole to begin to work it back and forth.

Allowing water and spit to join to his tongue, he waited until some of the moans had died off to little whimpers of need bursting free to ease it up until the first tight ring of muscle clamped down and Dean had to use his other hand to squeeze the base of his own cock or come right there.

"Dean…" Sam's arms were burning from the strain of holding himself up while he tried not to either push his hips forward to find friction or backwards to get the now wiggling tongue in deeper. "Wanna…oh my…need to…"

Being able to knock his college educated little brother down to the point where coherent words weren't coming made Dean happy. As did the sounds he was pulling from Sam just by a few flicks of his tongue against the muscle until he felt it flex and then relax so he got a little deeper to begin to move it while using his mouth to suck.

"Fuck!" Sam rarely cursed, much less used the stronger words favored by his brother but this time as he felt so much heat and need coursing through him he let his head fall back and as Dean's tongue slipped up further to run along a wall of nerves that Sam swore he didn't know existed before he came with a shout that was part moan, part pleasure and all Dean's name.

Knowing Sam was close, Dean made certain to wrap one arm around his brother's thrusting hips the second the climax hit him but had a hard time not coming himself when his brother's muscle clamped around his darting and searching tongue to help Sam ride it out.

Dean's eyes closed against the power of what was happening between them, using his other hand to gently rub over Sam's lower back as his body shook from the orgasm and he knew his tongue hadn't even hit Sam's prostate so he was really looking forward to the day when he could fully allow his brother to experience that.

Easing his tongue out, he lightly kissed his way back up Sam's trembling body until his arm was around his brother's heaving chest to keep Sam standing as he lowered them to the floor while twisting the shower head to clean off what bits of come the water missed on his brother and the wall.

"Good for you?" he asked in a rough shaky voice, not even mentioning that Sam was letting himself be held like this.

It took another moment of ragged breathing before Sam realized his brother was speaking to him and then another before he could translate it into something his overheated brain could understand. "Ya," he managed to say with a nod that resulted in his head resting back against Dean's chest.

"Your brain is so fried I'll be lucky if you know what I fix for breakfast," Dean laughed, stretching his arm up to shut the water off and let Sam stay against him for a moment longer before it became readily clear to Dean that his own cock was not happy with him and he needed to move before his little brother caught on to that. "Up so you can dress while I start some food that you will actually eat."

"Don' wanna move," Sam tried to whine but gasped when two fingers gave a pinch to his chest and felt Dean moving out from under him when something suddenly occurred to him. "Hey, Dean…did you…"

Giving his brother a kiss that was thoroughly hot and could dry up Sam's ability to think, Dean grabbed a towel to quickly but carefully dry off with before tugging his jeans on and carding his fingers back through Sam's long wet hair.

"For you, little brother," he replied quietly, flicking a wet strand of hair back from Sam's ear before tossing him a towel. "Get dressed and I'll have bacon started by the time you get to the kitchen."

A little surprised at Dean's urgency to put some distance between them, Sam frowned as he dried off before reaching for his clean clothes when it hit him that Dean hadn't buttoned or zipped his jeans all the way. Then what his brother said clicked and Sam let out a low growl of frustration, not bothering to put his t-shirt on even though he took it with him.

Dean had tried to make last night about Sam's pleasure and he hadn't let himself come now for the same reason. Sam had been too hot and distracted now to notice but as he headed from the shower room to the kitchen where he could smell strong coffee and bacon he shook his head.

Taking care of him had always been Dean's mantra and it appeared as if that held true even on this side of their lives but Sam wasn't going to leave his brother suffering with a hard on all because Dean was more concerned with helping Sam get over what had happened.

"Dean?" he called, keeping his voice normal which was still hard considering he'd just had his second mind blowing orgasm in under twelve hours.

The younger Winchester suspected why his brother didn't tell him he hadn't come and understood but that was Sam's hang-up and one that he was about to get over. "Dean!"

"What?" looking up from debating on straight eggs or trying for one of Sam's favorite omelet. "I guess you're feeling a little better since that's your bitchface tone but what's…Sammy?" Dean's smirk turned into a frown the moment Sam walked in. "What's wrong?"

Hazel eyes scanned the awesome kitchen in the bunker, the kitchen that actually proved that his brother could do more than hunt and fuck well, Sam zeroed in on the counter in the center of the room that served as table, workspace and a perfect place for what he had in mind.

"Sam?" pulling the skillet of bacon off the stove as he started around the counter to see what was wrong with his brother, Dean was caught off guard totally by his brother's sudden quickness when he was grabbed and manhandled until his back was pressed against the edge of it. "Sam, what the hell?"

A little worried that something had happened after he left his brother to cause this reaction, he was about to push away only to gasp as Sam's mouth claimed his in a heat searing kiss that rattled his brain and shot right to his still hard, aching and leaking cock.

Moaning into the kiss, Dean fisted his fingers around the counter to keep from moving but it was hard when the moment Sam's agile hands dove right for his unhooked jeans to pull his cock out and all he and it wanted was release.

"Sammy…wait," he tried to get his thoughts back together but before he could and before he could stop Sam from doing what he thought he was about to, Dean let out a hiss between clenched teeth when strong fingers wrapped around him. "I'll take care of…"

"This, what we're doing now, what we have between us, isn't just about me, Dean," Sam was slow as he went to his knees on the kitchen floor, keeping an arm across his brother's waist to keep him still when it dawned on Dean what Sam wanted to do.

"I know and get why we can't go to that point yet and I get it but you managing, and I don't know how in the hell you did it, not to come just now because you're trying to get me over this…no. I go over the edge…then, big brother, so are you and I'll be damned if some shapeshifting asshole is going to make to afraid or ashamed to do what I've wanted to do with you since before I was seventeen," Sam's eyes were hot but now as he had Dean's cock, hard and dripping in his hand, it was more lust than anger.

Dean's breath caught somewhere between his chest and his throat as he let and held Sam's eyes just a second before things went white for him when his brother's mouth closed on the head of his now very happy cock and he groaned. "Sam…wait…holy crap, little brother, where in the hell did you learn…"

Torn between gasping out moans that were pure filth to trying to make himself stop Sam before it was too late, Dean felt the fingers on one hand uncurl from the counter to run through and find a handful of still damp but soft long hair.

Sam knew his time was limited before his brother's common sense and big brother habits got the better of the lust filling him right then and while he knew he couldn't take the whole cock right then since he'd been forced to by the 'shifter, he worked on taking the head in deep enough to taste the bitter, salty and pure Dean taste as he used his own tongue in the slit and began a slow sucking action that left his brother breathless against the counter.

"Sam…damn it…Sammy, can you do this?" Dean knew he couldn't hold back long now because just the image his little brother made kneeling on the kitchen floor in only his jeans with his hand and mouth working the head of Dean's cock but it concerned him until hazel eyes lifted and the unspoken went between them.

He'd been hard and ready in the shower and only a lot of willpower had kept him from coming then so now as longer fingers slid from the base up to where Sam's lips were sucking harder, Dean groaned and could feel his toes curling in the need to come but it wasn't until the tip of Sam's tongue pressed into the slit that Dean actually shouted and came hard and brutally fast.

"Shit, shit…Sam!" he reached to pull Sam up, to break contact with his hot mouth but Sam's arm still kept him pinned with a lot more strength than he thought the kid had right then and Dean's willpower gave out to just thrust as little as he could while Sam's hollowing cheeks drew more out of him and his fingers stroked gently until finally Dean groaned as the climax shook him. "_Sonuvabitch_."

That whispered word had shock and awe in it and left Sam feeling satisfied and then he was being tugged to his feet and pushed into a chair while Dean's mouth was on his in a kiss that was both sweet and hot.

"I'm good," he assured his brother before Dean could ask, his voice a bit more ragged from swallowing his brother's explosion of come and while Sam hadn't planned to do that he was pleased that he had and that he hadn't panicked. "I wanted to suck you off, Dean. I wanted to be the one to make you come. Was it…I mean…did…"

Going for a bottle of water and a wet cloth, Dean ran a hand that was still shaking from the rush of what he'd just experienced back through Sam's hair before smiling down into his brother's worried face. "Love you, Sammy," he whispered against his lips, leaning into it more as Sam made a soft noise of pleasure. "Next time though, can we do this somewhere other than the counter unless…"

Dean drew off as a vast array of images flooded his mind that he shut off for the time being, lightly hitting Sam's shoulder when he heard the laugh. "Shut up," he growled good naturedly, going back to the stove. "Since you're so frisky now, you can make the damn coffee."

"Love you too, Dean," Sam smiled while moving behind his brother to make coffee and felt the gentle touch on his back of a hand that was both loving and protective. "Hey, Dean?" he began quietly, dropping his eyes to just peer up from under his lashes and hearing the laugh.

"You trying to kill me before we actually get to the fun part of this, little brother?" shaking his head as he tried to focus on the bacon but allowing his shoulder to bump the one closest to him as Sam sat a mug next to him. "Give me an hour to recover or better yet…a day and we'll see where that leads us. Now make toast before all you get is bacon."

Relaxed and happy for the first time in a long while, Sam did that and then settled at the counter to watch his brother break more eggshells than eggs but even though he tried to focus all he could think of was what else did Dean have planned for when he was healed.

**TBC….one more time**

**A/NII: **_Maybe….possibly one more little piece to see just what Dean has in mind in a few weeks time? Thanks for reading._


	4. Epilogue Part 2

**Hard Choices**

**Epilogue Part 2**

**A/N: **_This is the final, really final, piece to this piece. I hope it lives up to expectations and thanks to all that have read this_

**Three weeks later:**

"Damn it. Keep the pressure on until we get in the room."

"It's stopped bleeding."

"No it hasn't and it was bleeding a lot."

"Head wounds bleed and it's stopped."

"Just…just hold it there until we get inside. I hate ghosts."

"Drawback to the lives we lead, little brother. We kill ghosts and ghosts toss us around while we're ganking them."

"No, they toss you around because for some reason you seem to be a magnet for ghosts or other things that can throw you into trees or headstones and crack your hard head open."

"Better me than you, Sammy."

There it was. The main reason that for the majority of their lives always seemed like Dean was getting tossed into something or somewhere…so the ghost or whatever it was didn't do the same to Sam.

Sam had always known it or suspected it but it took a lot of pushing to actually get his brother to admit that or he had a concussion, which is what Sam feared now.

This would be their first hunt since the events five weeks earlier. It was a simple salt and burn despite the more serious cases that they could've taken on Dean was firm that he still wasn't letting Sam push himself and when Dean was locked into big brother protective mode nothing would sway him.

No amount of begging, yelling, guilt or even Sam's best secret weapon, the puppy dog eyes of doom, could get past Dean when his brother was determined and so they'd gone to Illinois to gank a spirit causing trouble in an old school.

The whole thing went smoothly like it always did when the Winchesters were in sync with one another. Dean interviewed people while Sam went to the library…even though he'd had to use two stages of the bitchface to get his brother to agree to that.

Sam's kidnapping and assault by Benny five weeks ago had left Dean still feeling a little wary about not having his brother within eyesight or at least knowing he was fine. The slight addition to their relationship also upped Dean's protective streak even though it could be annoying as Hell to Sam who now felt he was more than ready to both hunt again and to take the next step.

Since they crossed that invisible line between them three weeks ago, Sam couldn't recall a moment that Dean wasn't touching him in some way even if it was just a casual hand on his shoulder but his older brother was always careful not to let the sex go too far.

Now Sam was frustrated beyond belief because while he would never get tired of feeling Dean's hands on him, or the way he seemed to know the exact spots to kiss or suck to get a response from him Sam was at the point where if he didn't get to feel his brother's cock in him soon he would implode from need.

Right then as he helped his brother into their motel room, he felt like imploding from something else. "You can't keep putting yourself in front of me to always take the hits," he complained after easing Dean onto one of the two queen size beds in the room. "I'm going to be thirty years old soon and…"

"Thirty or sixty you'll also always be my little brother and watching after your ass is what I do, end of story," Dean replied simply, accepting that now as he had when he'd first had his six month old brother placed in his arms. "Especially now."

Sam had been bringing their duffels and the first aid kit into the room when he heard that and paused with his back to the door to understand the not so hidden context.

Protecting him, taking care of him had been something drilled into Dean's head from their Dad years ago but he never once thought, or now he didn't, that it also wasn't something his brother did because Dean didn't want to.

Looking after Sam was just a side of Dean that was as natural to him as breathing or cleaning their weapons. Now it was a bit more enhanced since Sam had become more to Dean than just his little brother or his partner and it nearly took the younger man to his knees that his usually non-emotional brother had come very close to actually saying that aloud.

"You know these trials will make me…" Sam bit that off, not wanting to go there since he hadn't been feeling too badly the past couple of days and if his brother hadn't gotten slammed into a headstone tonight he'd had plans to so how far he could get Dean to go. "Can't we agree to just look out for one another and maybe not take all the risks on yourself?" he asked quietly.

"Little hard to change after all these years, Sammy," but Dean did smile a bit more as he moved to take his jacket off and hissed out a breath as his something else hurt. "Shit."

"Where else are you hurt?" Sam pushed away to drop the kit on the bed before beginning to help his brother out of the multiple layers of shirts he had on. "Have you noticed that we wear too much stuff?"

A thought came to mind but Dean bit it back because if he let it come then he'd be a bit more interested in what his brother had on under his clothes and…he suddenly thought back to earlier that night before the damn ghost of a disgruntled teacher decided to make her appearance.

Digging graves was not one of Dean's favorite jobs but it had to be down and usually he and Sam dug together to save time. Tonight he'd insisted on digging the most so to spare Sam the strain and while his unhappy brother had made his displeasure clear at that idea it also became quickly apparent by a few innocently dropped comments that Sam was enjoying the show.

It was still new and occasionally weird for Dean to think that after years of wanting and desiring his brother in this way that he had him even if they actually hadn't done anything more serious than hand and blow jobs, unless Dean counted the shower a couple weeks back.

He'd promised Sam that they'd do more, actually a lot more, the first time Dean thought Sam was healed enough from Benny's assaults and when Sam said it was okay to.

Dean knew his brother enjoyed what they did do because he worked damn hard to make sure Sammy enjoyed it but it was also easy to feel his little brother's frustration at what wasn't being done and for the first time he realized he hadn't seen Sam wince or groan when he moved or sat in…a few days.

Swallowing thickly he let Sam help him pull the t-shirt over his head, seeing the mild bitchface form that told him it must not have just been his head that took a beating tonight. "I think I hit my shoulder," he shrugged and winced.

"Yeah, and scraped a good section of your back," Sam told him after leaning over to glance at Dean's back to see the red scrapes that would be sore for a day or so but only needed a light wipe with some antiseptic. "May hurt to lay on your back later."

"Good thing I'm not the one on the bottom then," Dean smirked, turning his face just enough that his lips were close to touching his brother's neck and gave in to the urge to lick just a tiny bit and heard the soft breath Sam released. "So…you gonna check my head now or…"

It took Sam a second or two to blink past the rush of desire that decided to hit in his groin to hear his brother speaking to him. "Ahh, yeah. You go shower some of the mud off while I…umm, dig through the kit and…God, you know I can't think when you do that, Dean."

Just the feel of his brother's mouth and tongue against his skin or when teeth lightly bit over the area along his jaw turned Sam's normally quick and alert brain to mush and from the moment Dean learned of it he always seemed to go there.

"Yep and if I would've known that years ago I might have done this a lot sooner," Dean chuckled, standing carefully but feeling Sam's hand on his arm to steady him as his head did swim a little. "Want to save time and water and just join me now or…" he left the rest unsaid but laid a hand on the back of Sam's neck when he caught the faint blush which never failed to please him. "I've been doing things to you for three weeks and I can still get you to blush."

"Go clean off, jerk," Sam grinned, shaking his head to add. "You'd probably fall asleep if we did anything tonight."

"Never happen…bitch," Dean stepped into the bathroom to finish stripping but left the door open enough that he could use the mirror on the wall to watch Sam's movements and bit back a soft moan when his brother began to undress.

Growing up together, living practically on top of one another and hunting side by side, it never occurred to Dean as he often watched his younger brother undress to change or get ready for bed that Sam was sexy as hell even doing this normal thing.

Keeping his back to the wall while lightly washing dried mud and blood from his short hair, Dean only winced once as his fingers found the small but very sore bump on the back of his head where it had hit but knew from years of getting tossed that he'd have some pain but he wasn't concussed.

Any doubts about that vanished as he felt the first stirring in both balls and cock while watching Sam unbutton the second shirt he'd worn tonight to toss it toward the pile of dirty clothes for washing later and then reached for the bottom of his T-shirt to pull it up and if Dean didn't know better he'd swear his pain in the ass little brother was going so slow on purpose.

Recently Sam had lost some weight and muscle that he'd had since his time as Robo-Sam but even that didn't take away from the tightly toned muscles that ran over Sam's abdomen and chest or the way the muscles in his arms seemed to ripple at times.

"God, the kid's killing me," he stuck his head under the water to rinse his suddenly burning eyes when he let soap run into them and then his eyes shot back to the mirror to see Sam crouch down by the bed to go through the First-Aid kit and his eyes zeroed in on the way his jeans rode low on hips that Dean had been obsessing for weeks over.

Then he noticed the mud on the back of those jeans that went halfway down Sam's legs and something began to click. "Sammy, after I got tossed did mean old lady Haggiety go after you?" he called casually or so he hoped while running his tongue over his lips while imagining on instinct what his brother was doing since he could no longer see him in the mirror.

"Got shoved since she was fast for being dead and old," Sam shrugged without thinking as he replied, frowning into the kit to realize somehow they'd run low on a lot of stuff and then remembered that his brother had probably been using it on him during the worst of his recovery. "She just knocked me on my butt and then she went up in smoke when I lit her bones on fire. Doesn't hurt so I'm fine," he snorted. "You're the one who was bleeding but I'll clean the Impala in the morning."

"Or whenever I let you out of bed, baby brother," Dean murmured, taking a better look once Sam moved back to where he could see him in the mirror to see that most of not all the bruises had healed and only one bite mark on Sam's neck, the worst of them, was still visible and just a little sore to the touch at times.

The worst wounds Sam had aside from emotional was from the actual assault to his rectum and that had been what Dean was giving plenty of time to heal and he'd been fairly certain the last time he'd rimmed Sam that his brother had gotten to the point where it would be safe for them to do what Sam was literally begging him for night before last.

Though Dean still needed to hear Sam say it when his brother wasn't already burning up with want and lust, he needed to know that Sam was fully ready to go to the next level of this new thing between them.

He wasn't denying that he wanted to feel his brother under him as Dean slid his cock into the tight heat that he knew he would feel because just the thought of that made his soft cock begin to come to life but since this was the one thing that could bring back the darker memories of Benny's attack he refused to push it or Sam.

Finishing with the shower, Dean dried off and considered using Sam's own tactic against him since he still recalled the first night back at the bunker when his brother chose to finally talk to him wearing only a damn towel but then knew if this went the way he hoped that he'd never last without his jeans on.

"Sam?" he called to see where his brother was in the room as he pulled the jeans on and zipped them with a mild wince since his cock did not like that choice but chose to leave them unbuttoned and riding a bit lower than he would normally wear them.

"Hey, we're out of…nearly everything in this kit," Sam sounded upset by that as he dug around to try to find some pain pills and gauze and was distracted by his search that he didn't feel Dean's approach until his brother's hands closed over his hips to gently bring Sam's ass back against him and even through rough denim there was no mistaking the feel of the erection Sam felt. "Dean?"

Moving one hand up to gently rub Sam's bare chest, Dean let his fingers stroke gently while his lips kissed their way across shoulders that rolled on instinct to his touch just as Sam's hips seemed to roll back against what he could feel growing harder. "You remember the shower a couple weeks ago, Sam?" he asked in a low purr that made the younger man shiver. "Do you remember what I said about taking this farther when you were healed and when you could tell me you wanted it?"

"God…I've been saying that for a week," Sam groaned then tensed when Dean's arm tightened around his chest with more strength than he'd ever held him with before and he slowly thought he got the point before his brother's lips kissed the shell of his ear.

"You want it physically because it's the next logical step and if it was just that then we'd already be on the bed but this time it's more and that's what I need to hear from you, Sammy," Dean eased his grip a little but nudged his brother forward a bit more and relaxed a bit when Sam didn't push back away from the bed.

"I know what you want and you sure as hell should be able to feel that I want to give it to you but…and I can't believe I'm about to say this, I need you to tell me flat out that you want this, can do this or the first time you tense I'm backing off and we wait," Dean guessed if he stood in a freezing shower for a few hours he could do just that.

Sam's head jerked around to try to find his brother's green eyes to see if Dean was being serious and bit his lip when he met a fully serious big brother look. "If I was a girl, any girl you've ever messed around with, would you be asking her this?" he knew holding off on this had been killing Dean and he hated the reason why his brother had been but to come this close and still not get this…Sam knew damn good and well he'd explode or hit Dean.

"Depending on the situation…maybe, probably," Dean admitted then grabbed for Sam's jaw to hold his head still before his gaze moved away to add in a tone that was rougher, deeper than Sam had heard from his brother other than after they'd fooled around. "But you're not some girl I've fucked after drinking in a bar. You're not like Cassie or Lisa or anyone else. You're…"

Suddenly Dean stepped back, letting his hands run back through his damp hair to make it even more spikey than usual but needing something to do as he fought to back down the rush of emotions that hit him.

For five weeks he and Sam had been making each other crazy with desire and taking each other over the other side of lust with mindblowing orgasms without even really doing anything serious. Now Dean found himself thinking about finally giving in to give what they both have wanted, an act he'd been doing since he was a lot younger than he ever admitted before and it was making him nervous.

"Dean?" picking up on his brother's uneasiness, Sam moved to reach out and was a little surprised that instead of avoiding the touch Dean actually reached back to grip his wrist.

"You're my little brother, Sammy," Dean finally spoke again but kept his eyes down at the carpet for another moment before slowly turning to lock eyes with Sam. "I've accepted that what we're doing may not be normal and outlawed in probably 98% of the places we go but I gave up fighting it and what I've felt for you weeks ago but this…you're not some chick I've picked up," stepping closer to close the fingers of his other hand over the curve of Sam's jaw, he kicked the rules out the door.

"You're my brother, my partner, my best friend and…" Dean took a deep breath that as he released it slowly he felt some of the edge vanishing while letting his fingers move down until they crossed the anti-possession tattoo to stop over Sam's heart. "…if you can tell me honestly that you want this now and it won't bring back what he did then…you're also going to be what I've ever only called two other people and that's my lover…"

The words broke off when Sam's mouth claimed his with a kiss that was both hot and desperate as his hands reached to clasp Dean's face, needing to touch to stay grounded.

Out of all the things his brother had said to him lately, and some of them had scorched while others made his insides turn to jelly, this was the first time that Sam knew the words he'd just heard had come from Dean's heart and he could do no less.

"I know you don't want to bring it back to me since Benny was behind me but it will never go away fully, Dean. Not even after we've had sex will that day ever go away totally or not for a while but this is what I want now, Dean," he told him after breaking the kiss, seeing the way his older brother's eyes were going darker, adding softly while letting his teeth rake over the skin of Dean's neck to nip lightly. "I want you to fuck me into that mattress like you promised you'd…_mmm_"

Five weeks and most of Sam's adult life had seen Dean using far more patience that he ever used with anyone else but that broke his line of restraint and he crashed them both down onto Sam's bed with a growl of lust that might have worried anyone else but with Sam it just made him smile and meet his brother's mouth full on, heat for heat, tongue for tongue as he gave full control over to Dean.

"By the time I'm done tonight you'll be feeling me for the next week," he growled, using his mouth and hands to touch and kiss down Sam's chest until Dean got to the low riding waistband of his brother's jeans to pull the belt off and in record time had them open and halfway down Sam's legs.

"You've been promising that now prove it," Sam's smile never faltered even though he felt his heart do a little jump at the way Dean's eyes raked over him once the jeans and boxers were a memory and slowly swallowed when he realized this was a new look for his brother. "Want to feel you, Dean."

"Oh, you will, baby boy," Dean promised hotly, leaning up to kiss Sam's mouth which opened readily to him to allow his tongue to explore with a shared moan.

Deepening the kiss the second he heard Sam's small sound that after so many times Dean now knew was his little brother's way of demanding more and he was only too willing to give him more.

Kissing and letting his tongue flick and lick over any spot of Sam that he knew would cause his brother to moan or whimper, Dean kept this up while his hands began to roam fully over the long and chiseled body that had been gifted to him to be able to have this experience with…not that he'd ever admit that one out loud.

"De'n…you're…God, that feels so good…you're head. Can you…oh!" Sam gasped as the feel of Dean's mouth closing over his belly button to begin to lick and suck with a skill that Sam knew he'd never bitch about his brother using his laptop for porn ever again and hoped he'd last when he felt his cock being jumpstarted to life. "Dean…wait…"

Lifting his head at that, Dean's eyes shot first to Sam's face to look for any signs of distress that would have him calling this off for another night but only saw his brother's lip being chewed on and then he followed Sam's gaze down to his already full and hard cock.

"Oh," he murmured with a slow smile, thinking he understood the problem. "Talk to me, Sammy," he encouraged while just lightly flicking the edge of Sam's pelvic area with the tip of his tongue to watch the way Sam's cock jumped with ever touch. "Gonna need some help this time?"

Groaning both from the feel of Dean's mouth doing things he never thought he could and from no small amount of embarrassment over this Sam nodded. 'Don't wanna come until you're in me…until I can feel you inside but…I'm not sure if…this is more extreme than we've been doing and…"

"I've gotcha, Sammy," Dean assured him, giving a softer kiss while reaching into his pocket for a small leather string to hold it up. "I had this in case I needed it but…I think you may need it more," knowing that they've never needed to use anything like this before he hesitated briefly. "Okay to put this on?"

"Yes!" Sam tossed his head against the pillow then felt his hips thrust up at the first touch of a finger up the side of his already hard and leaking cock. "Dean…"

Chuckling a little as he carefully wrapped the string around the base of Sam's dick to prevent him from coming until it was time, Dean's finger slid down underneath to the back of his sac to lightly roll Sam's balls between his fingers while easing off the bed to grab a pillow from his bed.

"Roll over, Sam," he adjusted the pillow where he wanted it while helping Sam to roll to his stomach while putting the pillow under him to lift him a bit. "Relax now."

Sam had tensed a little once he was on his stomach since he hadn't been able to lay this way since it had happened but he refused to let Benny or the shapeshifter ruin this when he looked up at the feel of a hand on his face and found Dean's face next to his. "Kiss me?" he asked, shivering at the heat reflected back at him and then moaned into the kiss.

It never failed to startle him how often Dean could surprise him. Sam had been expecting hot and hard but this kiss was soft but no less heated before it moved over his shoulder to spend time with Dean's tongue and mouth moving over the last bite mark as if to smooth the slightly rigid skin to go soft as he began to slowly move over Sam's back.

"I'll make it good, Sammy," Dean murmured against his neck, careful when he bit to just leave a small mark but not draw blood before continuing his exploration of Sam's back while his hands began to touch and rub while knowing he'd be having zipper marks on his own cock before much longer. "I'm gonna open you real good now so you can take me without too much pain."

Remembering what he'd told his brother weeks ago about how he'd finally known the shapeshifter wasn't really Dean, Sam seemed to relax a bit more at this because while he knew Dean wouldn't start this without making sure he was prepped in some way he couldn't help having doubts about how much and how in general.

"Aside from Benny, you've never done this with anyone have you, Sammy?" Dean had to press the heel of his palm flat against his own straining and clearly leaking cock through the denim of his jeans and bit back a groan but was determined to fully prep his brother's ass before even thinking about entering him. "In college or…"

Dropping his face into the pillow for a moment Sam sighed, shivering at the feel of his legs being spread a bit more before the touch of denim brushed against his thighs and decided he needed to focus. "I…went to a party once Freshman year and a couple upper classmen tried to get me to but the first time one of them went to shove in with only a little spit it hurt, I freaked out and steered clear of Stanford's social scene until I met Jess."

"Uh-huh," Dean's tongue was between his teeth to prevent him from saying what he could on that admission since he'd seen red the second he pictured the scene Sam just described and was furious that two assholes had touched his little brother and didn't even think to not try to hurt him. "Sam, you didn't have sex with a girl until you were seventeen so what the hell did you know about experimenting with guys and…I want names for later."

The tone was Dean's someone will die painfully tone and never failed to make Sam smile since he got that it wasn't so much jealously that he had almost experiment in college but that he'd nearly been hurt while doing it. "Umm, do you mean the fake sex you thought I had at seventeen to make you jealous or the fact that Jessica was really my first time?" he asked, biting his lip as the feel of Dean's mouth sliding down his back while he once again felt his hands rubbing and caressing his lower back to slide over his ass.

"Excuse me? You faked sex to make me jealous?" Dean had now heard it all since that was not something he'd expect from his brother. "This is so not the time to tell me this, Sammy."

"Well, you're not doing much so far so I thought maybe you needed some…help," Sam hid his smirk in his arms only to gasp out a moan when Dean's one hand went between his legs to find and squeeze his cock where it laid pressed against the mattress. "Maybe not," he groaned, wishing he had something to do with his hands.

"Smartass," Dean whispered in his ear before kissing him again to offer a distraction since he wanted Sam distracted for this as he reached for the tube of warming lube he'd picked up last week. "You are so going to be screaming my name before you're even close to coming, little brother," he promised him, easing up so he was fully in between Sam's legs to continue pressing his palms over the curves of the ass he was staring at before opening the lube to squeeze a generous amount into the crease.

Sam tensed but only from the cold. He'd felt Dean use lube on his cock before jerking him off but he'd never had it applied to his ass and as he laid there a small part of his mind wondered how much this would differ from what was done to him weeks ago but didn't dare ask his brother that for fear of Dean stopping.

"Huge difference is I'll make sure you enjoy this as much as I do, Sammy," Dean spoke in his ear, lightly kissing his neck as if sensing what his brother was thinking. "You're thinking too much and it doesn't take a genius to see what you're probably wondering," especially when he'd just been considering that himself but did not want those thoughts bothering Sam right now. "You've liked what we've done right?"

"We kind of broke one of the tables back at the bunker so yeah, I've liked it," Sam snorted, rolling his eyes only to suddenly moan at the first touch of a lube coated finger against his puckered hole. "I'd like this if you'd…get on with it."

Concentrating on not taking Sam up on that suggestion since Dean could feel his jeans becoming very tight right then and the sight of his brother naked with his finger about to begin stretching him was not helping them become less tight. "Don't be bossy, little brother," he smiled tightly, placing a hand on Sam's back as he eased his finger into the hole and felt his eyes close.

Dean had been getting Sam used to the feel of his touch back here for weeks but this would be the first time he'd go past the first ring of muscle but if the tight heat just at the beginning was any indication then this might not last as long as he would've liked.

"Shit, you are so damn tight and hot, Sammy," he whispered, easing the digit back to feel Sam suddenly whimper but relax when he pushed it further on the second try until it went in to the first knuckle and the wall of muscle clamped around it. "Relax, and let me in."

There was a good deal more pain than Sam thought there would but it was nothing compared to what he'd felt at the first dry shove of a vampire's cock in his ass so he struggled to will his body to relax against what it would feel as an intrusion and while his ass was seeing Dean's finger as the enemy, Sam's cock viewed them both that way since he couldn't get off even by rubbing it against the mattress.

Using his knees to help get Sam's legs spread more, Dean's other hand slowly rubbed it's way around to the front to lightly grasp the leaking but trapped cock to stroke it while he leaned up to begin to kiss a path over Sam's back.

The attention on his cock had Sam moaning his brother's name while his muscles slowly against the gentle rubbing of Dean's fingertip gave way so his finger could slid further up until it finally found and hit the spot that made Sam's eyes shoot back open on a startled half cry half moan.

"What the hell…?" he gasped, hips trying to thrust but suddenly Dean's weight was on him and Sam only felt a moment of unease before whatever the hell his brother was doing caused another explosion inside him. "God, do that again," he'd felt that once but now wanted to feel it again but know it was Dean causing him to feel that good and want to feel it. "Please, Dean. Do that…shit, yes!"

"You like that, baby boy?" Dean's smile couldn't be seen by Sam as he just light curved his finger again over the spot he hoped would have this reaction in his brother. "That sweet spot right there is my finger hitting your prostate and if you think that feels good now…wait until I'm hitting it with my cock."

Sam heard the slight concern still in Dean's voice as he slowly inserted a second finger but this time the burn was there but was quickly followed by pleasure that had him moaning. "More," he gasped, feeling a nudge and understood slowly that his brother wanted him on his knees more. "Please, De'n. Stretched…enough. I…need to…ugh!"

Following Sam as he helped him raise up on his knees so his ass was more in the air while he supported his head on the arms that were straining to touch himself or Dean or anything just to be able to move them as his body struggled with this new sensation, Dean pressed in close to the bulge that was straining painfully through his jeans pressed against Sam while he carefully worked the second finger up and had to grip Sam's hip to urge him to stay still.

"No, you're not stretched enough and I'm not doing this until you are so just relax," he urged, his own voice deeper and rougher as his body ached and could feel the precome leaking through the heavy denim but didn't want to hurt Sam anymore than this might.

Sam was getting restless and that would make him tighter so Dean kept moving his two fingers before separating them in a scissor pattern to hear the low whimper come out of his brother while letting his mouth lick over Sam's shoulder before closing on it to suckle gentle, worrying the piece just enough with his teeth to leave a mark later.

"Need to hear you, Sammy," he breathed against Sam's ear, feeling the shudder go through Sam as his hips were now rutting against nothing since his hips were off the bed so his trapped and weeping cock couldn't touch the bed. "Need to know you like feeling your big brother's finger in your ass as it stretches you so much so you can sink down on my cock like you've been doing it all your life."

"Ohmm!" Sam bit his lip on the moan, little tremors going through his ass as the two fingers twisted and moved but also always brushed over that spot while the hot and wet mouth laved kisses over his skin while biting over his shoulder or neck until he wanted to scream.

The filthy words being whispered hotly in his ear also made him harder if that was possible and in the back of Sam's mind he knew that was Dean's intention since he'd told his brother about the things Benny and the 'shifter had said to him while raping him and so this night was about more than just sex it was also about exorcising the last of Sam's inner demons.

"Sammy," Dean licked his ear teasingly. "Tell me. Tell me what you want. Tell me what you like. Let me hear you moan for me, little brother."

Dean felt Sam jerk at that one but wanted nothing of that time left in Sam's mind as he poured a bit more lube into the now open hole as he worked a third finger up to join the first two and offered soothing words against Sam's jaw even as he fought not to come from just the feel of the hot and still tight hole clenching on his fingers as they stretched. "Can't promise no pain, Sam but I'll do my best."

"Know that," Sam managed to gasp, twisting his head to catch his brother's mouth to suck on his bottom lip just to make Dean growl low in his throat and felt the fingers in his ass curve just a bit while there was no denying the push of rough and damp denim pressing more against his ass. "Want you now, De'n. Wanna feel your cock filling me. I wanna feel you pounding into me and…God!"

Finding the spot again with all three fingers, Dean was suddenly glad he'd booked them into the last room on the end of the thankfully nearly empty motel because it never got old to hear the sounds Sam could make when like this.

"You think you're ready to feel me fillin' you, Sammy?" Dean groaned as he worked his fingers around again before pulling out to push in and while the resistance was there it wasn't too bad and he knew it would take a while of them doing this before Sam would get to the point that it didn't take too long to prep him. "You've been waiting a long time for this, haven't you? Been waiting so long for me to get my head outta my ass to see what's in front of me?"

"Y…yes," Sam knew if it wasn't for the band on his cock that he would've came already and was so ready he was nearly vibrating with desire. "Want this, want you now and…forever."

Dean figured if he hadn't been listening closely he would've missed the last word. As it was, it took a quick hand to unsnap and unzip his jeans to squeeze the base to halt what definitely would've been the best climax of his life without even touching his little brother or being touched because that word shot straight through him to his cock.

"You are so gonna have me, Sammy," he promised roughly, pulling his fingers out to ease off the bed to skin out of his way too tight jeans before laying a hand on his brother's hip. "Roll over now," he guessed Sam's confusion before seeing it reflected in the way Sam's face had scrunched up. "It's easier the other way but for this time…I want you to see my face and I want to see yours when I make you come."

Sam hadn't expected Dean to want to do it this way but he honestly appreciated it since he'd wanted to watch his brother for the same reason but was also a bit more lost as to what he needed to do but relaxed as Dean returned to kneel on the bed to show him how to move after sharing a long kiss that was full of need and promise.

"Pull your legs up toward your chest while spreading them," Dean helped but smiled at the eagerness in which Sam followed his instructions then leaned back to just look while giving his own cock a stroke that made him groan nearly as much as seeing his toned and muscled little brother laying before him with his feet on the bed and spread open while his breathing picked up. "Damn, you are hot like this," he groaned.

Slipping up on the bed to get fully between Sam's spread legs, Dean let his fingers stoke over the fully engorged and blood red cock that was dripping precome and twitching as if to beg to be touched. "You want to come, Sammy?" he knew the answer but chuckled at the moan it got him and then turned more serious as he took his own ready and leaking cock to pour more lube in his hand to coat it while using a lot more willpower than he had right then to not come at the touch.

"Please…" the plea was soft as Sam's eyes, now fully blown, with lust watched as Dean coated his cock with more of the lube. "Want you…mmm!" the moment the head of Dean's cock entered his well-stretched but still unused hole he tossed his head back on a moan.

Just the feel of that tight heat closing over the head of his cock nearly had Dean losing it but he found the control to ease into Sam a lot more slowly than he might have with anyone else but had to keep his hands pressed on his brother's hips to keep him still as Sam's body want to thrust up to get what it wanted and his little brother still wasn't loose or open enough for a quick shove.

"Shhh, easy there, tiger," Dean's voice was low and tight as he pulled back a little to roll his hips forward again and this time felt the ring of muscle unclench to allow his cock to go in deeper and the sound that came from Sam now was low and guttural. "Almost there."

As Dean used my patience than he had to not give a final shove forward he paused to gather his breath and to allow Sam's heated body to adjust to the change. "Okay?" he asked, waiting for Sam's eyes to open and nearly freaking at the first tear that fell but then Sam smiled a little to nod and reached for him.

"Want to come now but need you in me," the younger man told him again in a voice low and raspy from trying to control his breathing but locked eyes with Dean. "Want to feel you come inside me, Dean and…oh!"

That took care of the control aspect that Dean had left had his hips seemed to move on their own at that request to pull back just enough that when he went forward this time he bottomed out and could've came right then because he was angled to hit Sam's sweet spot from the first move and his little brother's moans and movements were really hot and making him all the harder.

"Yeah…yeah…there…oh, my…Dean!" Sam shouted at the feel of Dean's cock filling him while rubbing over that spot so that any pain was taken away or not processed as he tried to give little thrusts to take his brother in even more while Dean leaned forward to find his mouth in a hot kiss. "Feels…great," he blushed a little as Dean's lips teased over his nipples. "Wanna come. God, please. Need to…"

Every roll and thrust of Dean's hips hit that spot that soon had Sam unable to form more than one of two words at a time and then all he wanted to say was Dean's name and 'please' while finally able to get his hands on his brother to roll his fingers over rigid muscles.

"Yep, gonna take care of you, baby boy," Dean promised, biting just hard enough on the curve of Sam's shoulder to make the younger man gasp but felt himself getting close to the edge and groaning tightly. "Sam, I'm not gonna last this time. I wanted to make this good for you but…it's…I've wanted you too long and…"

Reaching up to catch Dean's neck to pull it down to meet his mouth, Sam teased this time with his tongue until he felt the shudder run through his brother and welcomed Dean's cry of release as he felt both Dean's tongue stabbing into his open mouth just as he felt the orgasm finally rip over Dean to feel the warmth of his come filling him.

Both Winchesters moaned when the muscles in Sam's ass clenched over Dean's cock as he kept thrusting with a bit more force as Sam whimpered at the feelings that were washing over him since even in the heat of climax his brother still made sure to hit the spot that was making Sam see little spots in front of his eyes.

Sam's lips were gently pressing little kisses along his brother's shoulder where Dean had landed once the orgasm backed off some and the younger Winchester knew if he never experienced anything like this again that he could die happy with whatever came for them down the road…then his world exploded at the firm touch of calloused fingers on the cock that was trapped in a leather string to keep him from getting off and between him and Dean.

"Wanna come now, Sam?" Dean's voice sounded low but the undertone of sex still in it gave Sam another reason to shiver as he nodded blindly, near tears from the need to climax he'd soon be begging. "Don't worry. I'm going to take care of you."

Closing his eyes to nod again, Sam's hands were clenching on the mattress to try to not grab for Dean when he felt him easing out of him because he didn't want to lose that closeness yet but then his attention was snapping back the second he felt the cool lube being rubbed over his aching and well slicked cock a second before he heat wet heat sliding down to sheath him tightly.

"Dean…what…oh my God!" the feel of Dean's body to hot and tight as he slid down on Sam's wanting to explode cock was more pleasure and emotion that Sam ever thought possible and since he was on overload he'd silently admit this was better than anything he could ever recall happening in his life, be it with Jessica or even the one night with Madison. "You're…this is…you're not…hurting you?"

Amused and touched that even in the throes of burning lust that had Sam's whole body moving on the bed under him, Dean smiled a pure and honest smile at Sam's concern for him. "I prepped a little in the shower," he admitted tightly, pulling his bottom lip in with his teeth as he worked to slide down over Sam slowly since even a little prep in the shower and a lot of lube didn't take away the fact that his little brother's cock was huge and more enlarged now. "Shiit, Sammy," he breathed, resting his palms flat on Sam's chest to rub his rock hard nipples.

"Too much…gotta come, De!" Sam was thrusting up wildly the moment his brother came flush but it never occurred to Sam to flip their positions as he allowed Dean control to begin to once again roll his hips against Sam and he was left gasping for breath while giving up any pretense and now begged for release. "Now, De'n! Please, let me…"

Pressing a kiss over Sam's mouth, Dean let his tongue enter to rub over Sam's searching one while carding a hand back through his brother's sweat soaked hair. "You wanna come while I ride you, Sammy?" he teased but it was hard and his fingers shook from need again as he reached down to find the leather string he'd wrapped around Sam's cock to free it.

"Come," the order was soft but hot as he whispered it against Sam's mouth but knew at this point even without the strong holding him in check his brother would still only come on his command because that was something else he'd have to work on to get Sam over.

The single word shook Sam to his core but it was all that was needed as he felt the soul shattering orgasm hit him hard to leave him shouting Dean's name and then whimpering as his brother helped him ride it out by continuing to rock more gently while the muscles inside of Dean seemed to clench around Sam to milk his cock of every drop of come before Sam went limp back on the bed, not moving.

"Sammy?" voice rough from what just happened between them, Dean let his body settle down while easing off of Sam with a gentle smile as he gave a soft kiss to his brother's mouth and felt his breath which reassured him that the power of the orgasm and the release of so much emotion had knocked his little brother literally on his butt for a moment.

By the time Sam's brain and body reconnected enough he realized he'd not only been moved to Dean's bed but he could feel the gentle touch of a warm cloth wiping over his sweat covered body to clean it. "Dean?" he tried to move but was too tired to even open both eyes much less move a hand. "What…why'd I…I didn't mean to… mmhm."

"I'm that awesome is why, baby boy," Dean chuckled after breaking the kiss as he finished with the gentle cleaning that would work until he figured they both recovered enough to shower. "I made you come so hard that you fainted."

"Passed out maybe," Sam shot back on instinct with a small smile flitting around the corner of his mouth as he did slowly find the strength to return the next kiss, feeling it turn deeper while shifting on the bed as Dean stretched out beside him. "Thank you," he whispered as he turned his face more into the curve of his brother's neck like he seemed to do while sleeping now. "That was…"

"Awesome, terrific, super, great?" Dean grinned as he relaxed; pleased to feel Sam curling up against him and while he would never admit to cuddling he also would never deny his little brother this post sex need either. "You okay, little brother?" he asked after another moment of silence, a bit more serious now.

Prying one eye open to stare, Sam was reminded that his brother had just been hit in the head earlier that night and so ignored the stupidity of the question to offer a shy smile while reaching up to find the hand that he knew would be close by.

"You made it everything and more, Dean," he assured his brother, understanding the concern Dean would feel after everything Sam had been through and worried this may bring it back but if anything this night of sex and love just helped to dispel the rest of his demons from the attack weeks ago. "Umm, we will do this again, right?"

"Whenever you want, Sammy," Dean assured him quietly, letting their fingers mesh as he rested them over his heart to feel Sam begin to fall to sleep as the night's events wore him out. "Wherever you want."

That offered Sam some interesting images as he yawned and smiled against Dean's throat at the feel of being held and never once thought about mentioning his no chick flick moments brother was cuddling, mainly because he didn't feel like getting kicked.

"Love you," he whispered, feeling the way Dean's pulse skipped and knowing this was still something Dean would always be at odds over saying because while there was no doubts that he loved Sam in a lot of ways it had never been easy for him to say it.

Knowing and accepting this it was a huge shock to Sam when he heard the reply a few moments later. "Love you too,"

Dean laid still as Sam fell to sleep fully and was relaxed that he knew his brother would sleep until well into the afternoon. He carded fingers lightly back through Sam's hair and then slowly let himself begin to drift off.

The past five weeks had been hard and brutal for his brother and while Dean understood that as Sam said earlier a single night would next erase what Benny had done to Sam but this had gone a long way to making it a distant memory.

He'd let Sam set the pace now on what they did since while Dean's taste in sex wasn't fully vanilla he had a hunch that it would take a long time of getting used to this side of their lives before Sam was ready to learn about that side of his brother.

"Dean?" Sam's voice was sleepy and heavy with it as he suddenly spoke up to bring Dean back from his thoughts. "In a couple months…after we've done this a while…can we maybe try out some of that stuff you've got hidden in the trunk of the car?"

Nearly swallowing his tongue and biting back the low moan after an image flashed in his head, Dean smirked and gave a final kiss to his relaxed brother's hair. "I won't ask how you found that box but…yeah, we can when you're ready," he agreed then went to sleep at peace with himself and the lives they found themselves in and with dreams of just what kind of kinks his innocent looking baby brother might be harboring.

**The End**

**A/NII: **_Thanks for reading the little add-on pieces and I hope you enjoyed this final piece of this story. Thanks for reading and reviews are salve to a weary authors soul._


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